Breaking Brad: Cowboys lineman proposes to Brooke Hogan

 


Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.

* In his State of the State speech Tuesday morning, Gov. Dave Heineman called for eliminating the Nebraska state income tax. You know what that would mean for Nebraskans: one tax down, 9,002 to go.

* In other news, on Oprah's show Lance Armstrong basically asked for a mulligan on everything he said from about 1999 through 2012.

* During the Miss America Pageant, after Miss California was asked a question about euthanasia, she asked if it was a type of vaccine. And two other contestants went, “Duh! Everyone knows Euthanasia is a country south of Taiwan.”

* It turns out the new Miss America, Miss New York Mallory Hagan, is from Alabama and has lived in New York only four years. I knew something was up when her talent was carpetbagging.

* President Obama's inauguration team has opened a souvenir store to sell Obama memorabilia ranging from a $2.50 ruler to $7,500 medallion set. Now because it's the Obama store, there will be a 35 percent sales tax added to all items.

* Perhaps the best buy at the Obama souvenir store is that $8.99 laminated fake Obama birth certificate.

* The Obama souvenir store is great. You can get a Velcro John Boehner dart board that's an exact duplicate of the one hanging in the Oval Office.

* A political watchdog group has named the Lie of the Year for 2012. In Omaha that would be “The street repaving will be completed in three weeks.”

* Mitt Romney's son Tagg said his father wanted to be president “less than anyone I've met in my life.” I had a hunch Mitt Romney's heart wasn't in it when his acceptance speech at the GOP convention ended with “Yada yada yada.”

* In a 14-page opinion a U.S. appeals court has ruled that Americans have a constitutional right to make obscene gestures at other motorists. In a nutshell, this is what's wrong with our court system: Appeals courts are issuing 14-page opinions on the finger.

* Starbucks has introduced a $1 reusable cup. There's no denying it's a breakthrough. This means the guy sitting in the corner with his laptop all day can spend the rest of his life at Starbucks with the same cup.

* A new luxury pet resort has opened in west Omaha. It features gourmet treats, a swimming pool, state-of-the-art play areas and TVs in every room. A support group has formed for Omahans who return from vacation to find their pet stayed in more upscale accommodations.

* There are small TVs in every kennel room. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that “Animal Planet” is wildly popular.

* During taping, a “Wheel of Fortune” contestant misidentified the puzzle “I Walk the Line By Johnny Cash” as “I have the wine by Johnny Cash.” So it sounds like I'll be watching my first “Wheel” episode in about 14 years.

* “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” star cousin “Crazy Tony” has been arrested for running down a highway dressed in an ape suit. At first authorities thought it was an actual ape, then realized it was less intelligent than that.

* USC fired basketball coach Kevin O'Neill, who was 48-65. And that was in NCAA investigations.

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