Breaking Brad: Cowboys lineman proposes to Brooke Hogan


Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition.

* NASA is going to make a new Mars rover from discarded parts from the rover Curiosity. You know the federal government has financial problems when we basically create a rover on consignment.

* A woman in Maine stopped to help what she thought was an injured house cat and put it into her vehicle. As she was driving away, the “house cat” woke up -- it was actually a bobcat. The woman will appear in the next Guinness Book of World Records in the category “Fastest time exiting a car.”

* The Obamas just returned from their Hawaiian vacation. I'm trying to confirm that President Obama emerged from Air Force One clutching his birth certificate and shouting, "I found it! I finally found it!"

* On Sunday the White House revealed that Chuck Hagel would be the nominee for defense secretary. To give you an idea how contentious of a process is expected, these will be the first confirmation hearings since Robert Bork to have a three-knockdown rule.

* The winners of a combined $1.1 billion lottery in Spain were just announced. Oh, no - there goes Omaha's only chance of paying for the sewer overhaul.

* While filling in for Kathie Lee Gifford in the fourth hour of “The Today Show,” Meredith Vieira cursed live. I think the only time you're entitled to curse is if you're forced to watch all four hours of “The Today Show.”

* named Omaha the Most Hungover City in the U.S. This just proves what I've always said - Omaha is a hockey town.

* The NHL lockout has ended. It's finally over. I'll admit that I expect to get a little misty-eyed the first time a player slams an opponent's head into the ice while a teammate skates over his foot.

* I think it'll just be nice to see something sliding across ice besides cars on Omaha's streets.

* At least three of the NFL coaches fired on New Year's Eve either have landed new NFL jobs or are in consideration for NFL head coaching jobs. The NFL is the only entity where the New Year's mantra is “Out with the old, in with the old.”

* I have conducted my own informal study and concluded: If college football players, coaches and announcers are ever banned from using the word “really,” most of them will have nothing to say. I'm really serious.

* Alabama coach Nick Saban sent two players home before the BCS Championship game for missing curfew. For Saban to take this action before a national title game, I'm guessing they missed curfew by 67 hours.

* The Maaco Bowl gift bag included a 24-inch flat screen TV, a Blu-ray player, an iPad and a Nintendo Wii. The way players are today, we could soon see a team not play in a BCS title game so they can collect the Maaco Bowl swag.

* At Saturday's Packers-Vikings game, liquor sales were cut off at halftime. Which meant early in the fourth quarter shirtless fans with letters on their chests sobered up and said, “I'm here without a shirt in 5-degree weather? I must be nuts.”

* At halftime of the Colts-Texans game, three monkeys rode three dogs around the field. After watching this, I have a new appreciation for the marching band.

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