Kids like a lot of weird things. Things that we, as parents, see and think to ourselves, "No way."
I suppose there are a few exceptions. I get Santa Claus; he makes sense to me. A big, happy fellow who likes cookies, animals and dispensing toys to the good children of the world. Of course kids like him; they’d be ridiculous not to. His entire existence orbits around the idea of bringing them the stuff they want.
But there are a lot of things — a lot — that kids like that I just can’t understand.
1. Anything "on ice." Disney on Ice. Barney on Ice. Whatever. Unless it’s something that is supposed to be on ice — like hockey or figure skating — or something that is supposed to be served on ice — like delicious margaritas — I just don’t get it. Why on earth would the Little Mermaid be on ice? She doesn’t even have feet.
2. The circus. Lots of people. Lots of tents. Lots of smells. Lots of noise. Which means, of course, lots of anxiety. The circus is a sensory cacophony with way too much going on. Did Mr. Barnum and his pal, Bailey, shotgun one too many energy drinks while conceiving this idea? “Dude, we could have clowns in one corner — like 20 of them, all shoved into a tiny car — while at the same time a chick in a leotard will be shot straight out of a canon!” I like animals as much as the next guy, but why would I want to watch an elephant walking on his back legs? Or a tiger jumping through a flaming hoop? I watch the entire spectacle with my heart in my throat, fatalistically waiting for someone to get their face eaten off by an angry animal. The circus is so not my thing.
3. Clowns. I’m not afraid of clowns, but I also don’t get why anyone ever thought they were funny. Slapstick humor, squirting flowers, unsafe driving practices and honking horns — um, what? They’re disruptive, yes, but funny? Not so much.
4. Monster trucks. Yes, they are big trucks. Really, really big trucks. And yes, they can drive over cars. You know, because they’re really, really big. But I don’t quite get the rest of it. Why is this exciting exactly? The noise? The dirt? Or is it in the crushing? Is that what we like? I live in the Midwest and see that these events are always sold out, so clearly this is my character flaw and I’m the one missing something.
5. The Wiggles — both versions. Whether it’s the first batch of Wiggles, with Yellow Greg and Sleeping Jeff, or the latest iteration that gives us Dancing Emma and that guy who sings opera, this show’s entertainment value totally escapes me. Cheesy acting, footage from their uber-cheesy live shows and bad songs; it all adds up to something I will actively flip past each and every time I see it. Sometimes I have to be fast with the remote, though.
My opinions are just that — opinions. Opinions that do not matter at all to my 3-year-old. And though I may roll my eyes and complain, if The Wiggles happened to come to Omaha, I’d probably buy tickets to that atrocity because my daughter loves them. #momlife
Lynn Kirkle is a writer and lives in Omaha with her husband and five children. She writes twice a month for momaha.com, and can be found on Twitter @LAPainter.