I don’t know how it happened. I was so cautious, so careful, so precise.
I didn’t eat half the cookie dough before baking the Christmas cookies.
I got a regular coffee (most of the time) instead of a white chocolate mocha holiday caramel latte sprinkled with sea salt and regret.
I did my best to avoid all nonessential carbs and even declined a free sample of a sugar cookie while out Christmas shopping. Me! Never in my life have I declined a free sample of anything!
Yet, despite all of my best efforts, I was still a victim of holiday delights and now my pajama pants are tight. And few things are worse than suddenly realizing your pajama pants are now making you feel like you’re sandwiched between two Nebraska linemen on a plane.
My family always knows when my pajama pants are tight because what gets served at the kitchen table takes a dramatic, dark turn.
Reindeer-shaped pancakes turn into scrambled eggs and a dry piece of Ezekiel toast. The cookies have vanished, replaced with snack bags of vegetables lined up in the fridge.
It’s not their fault; their pajama pants aren’t tight. But this is the plight of children, victims to the whims of the latest weight loss book their mother just read. All they can do is hope that eventually her pajama pants will return to the right amount of “loose” and ice cream will be invited back into the home so they can press pause on frozen grapes for dessert.
Their plight is unfair, but until they can flip their own French toast, I say whole-grain-lightly-sweetened-with-honey cookies.
The truth is, trying to feed my family the healthiest, most nutritious foods while also making sure they actually eat them is one of the hardest tightropes I’ve ever traversed.
Even so, I’ll traverse it, because setting them up for a long, healthy, processed-free life is extremely important to me.
But mostly because my pajama pants are tight.
Anna Lind Thomas is a humor writer and mom to daughters Lucy and Poppy and English bulldog Bruno, wife to Rob Thomas and founder of HaHas for HooHas. She writes for momaha.com.