The Sassy Housewife is a weekly Saturday advice column on momaha.com by Danielle Herzog, a married mother of two. She’ll cover adventures in housewifery — parenting, entertaining and the interests of a been-there-done-that and somewhat-know-it-all wife.
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Dear Sassy Housewife,
I hate being a stay-at-home mom. There, I said it. The hard part is that I can’t seem to say it to my husband. We have a beautiful baby girl who is almost one year old, and I feel like I’m wasting my brain a little bit every day. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think being home with children is easy, it’s not. But I miss the challenges of work and being part of a team that had goals. I feel alone and think that I’m not contributing to society or my life on a daily basis. I want to go back to work but I feel guilty about that and unsure what is right. What do I do?
First of all, it’s a good thing you said being home with children isn’t easy because if you didn’t I was going to have to hunt you down and make you spend an entire afternoon in my house with my insane two children. So I’m glad that you recognize the challenges that come with being a stay-at-home mom.
However, even though they might not be the same type of challenges, working moms also sometimes feel lost and overwhelmed with just trying to keep their head above water. The truth is – there is hardly ever a perfect situation.
In your case, you are obviously unhappy. Step No. 1 is to tell your husband the truth. My guess is that you aren’t an academy award winning actress and he probably suspects that you are having a tough time. Talk to him about your feelings. Tell him that you are thinking you might want to return to work and find out what his take is on that.
After that, I think you really need to evaluate why you feel your brain is rotting like a pumpkin after Halloween. Do you have to return fully to work to challenge yourself? Are there part-time opportunities available? Or perhaps this comes down to that one phrase you used, “I feel alone.” Perhaps it isn’t a matter of challenging your mind, but rather finding your place in the stay-at-home world.
It’s a scary world to suddenly give up co-workers and management and have only you and a baby all day long. And that’s the problem, it can’t just be you two all day long. Try finding play groups or new mom groups in your area. Also, there are exercise classes with children, music classes for kids, and even Facebook groups for moms who stay home with the kiddos. You just have to put the work into finding them.
At the end of the day it comes down to this. You can’t be a good mother if you aren’t happy. Find your happiness and you’ll see that your family is actually happier too.
Have a question for the Sassy Housewife? Email email@example.com.
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