My husband called me a few days ago and said, “Google, ‘Naked joyride Lincoln, NE.’” I did and discovered a charming story about four people who were arrested, naked, by the county sheriff. Their clothes were in the back of the pick-up, all four were in the front seat, they weren’t wearing seatbelts (they chafe if you are naked!) and the driver was cited for suspicion of DUI.
Why was this of interest to my husband? Well, my husband is the general manager of the place where the driver works… or at least, he will be for a few more days. My husband had given notice and was completing the requisite two weeks before taking a new job. “You know, there are some things that I’m not going to miss about this place,” he sighed.
According to the story that my husband heard, the group was teaching one of the girls to drive a manual transmission. Every time she dropped the clutch, a piece of clothing was discarded.
Oh, it’s a drinking game! My husband wasn’t quite sure of the rules and had heard that some people weren’t completely naked. Details, details. The story goes that the girl driving had jumped out of the driver’s seat when she saw the cop and the employee was the hero who slid behind the steering wheel. Try that move with four naked bodies in the front seat of a pick-up!
So I post a shorter version of this story on my Facebook page. A few hours later, my youngest calls and says, “Mom, when I call you up and say, ‘What’s new?’ and you say, ‘Nothing,’ does it ever cross your mind to tell me that Dad quit his job?”
“Oh, did I forget to tell you that?” I only talked to him four or five times in the past week.
“You told all of Facebook world, but you didn’t tell me!” he exclaimed.
“Good thing you didn’t drop Facebook,” I retorted.
A friend who was sitting at my kitchen table said, “Just tell him it is payback for all the times you asked what he was doing and he said ‘nothing.’” (It’s always good to have someone coaching you when you are busted by your kids.)
“Remember the time,” I said, “I asked you what you did on Friday night and you were hosting a party at my parents’ house when they were out of town?”
“If you had asked the question right, I would have answered it,” he replied.
Many years later, I still remember the question: “Where were you Friday night?” And his response: “If you have to ask, you already know the answer. Let’s talk about something else.”
True to form, my son changed the subject. “When were you going to tell me?” he asked. I thought I had. “How does this affect my health insurance?” Don’t worry about it, you still have health insurance. “Where is Dad going to work?” Now, that’s a tough one. “You know, I don’t think I ever asked the name of the company,” I told him.
All I know is that my husband is going to be working for some guy from Blair; it is in aviation; we have health insurance; it provides better opportunities; and my husband is excited about it. What more do I need to know?
Exasperated, I said to my son, “Look, you’ve talked to your Dad every day in the past week. He didn’t tell you either. If you want to know about his new job, call him.”
When I ended the call, I turned to my friend and said, “And you asked me what I was going to write about next week.”
Kathy Koch Joyce is married with three grown-up children.