I haven’t written as much as I should. It’s no secret.

If you listen to Heidi and me on Pat and JT’s Morning Show on Q98 on Thursdays, you’ve heard us joke about it.

The last couple years have been trying times for me as a mom. I suffered infertility, three miscarriages, a high-risk (but successful) pregnancy and the birth of a preemie who spent days in the NICU. As someone who has always tried to maintain authenticity in my writing – and life – I wasn’t ready to talk about those raw ups-and-downs, at least not while I was still going through them.

In a few blog posts, I briefly touched on the subjects, but ended them all with hope and optimism. It felt like a lie. That’s not always how things turn out. It’s also not the way we feel sometimes. And, I strongly believe there is room in the mom community to talk about such trying times.

Let’s be honest, life isn’t easy. Being a parent is far from easy.

Several times during the surgeries, shots, hormones and disappointment of miscarriages and infertility that I would’ve punched someone who told me “it’s all worth it.” Of course, it’s all worth it.

But, I internalized. I stopped writing. I healed emotionally and physically. I’ve had a hard time finding my voice again. Or, even knowing what to write about.

Then, I read a friend’s blog where she describes the real, behind-the-scenes part of miscarriage that no one talks about. It is beautiful and raw and perfect. And, it encouraged me to write again.

Luckily, my story does have a happy ending.

My miracle baby just celebrated her first birthday. She is healthy and happy and amazing. And, for several reasons, those times are behind us now. No more babies, no more treatments, no more emotional rollercoasters.

I have come out of it a changed person. I listen more. I sit back. I’m more patient. I observe. I let others make decisions. I insist on quality time and genuine friendships. I appreciate. I’m thankful. I’m happy.

Most importantly, I am a mom of two. And, a writer in my free time.

Is there anything you’d like me to write about? Please leave a comment with suggestions!

Melissa Cruickshank is a working mom with two children.

Read her here on momaha.com

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