The bloody mary at the Report Inn Pub is no joke.

As an editor, I used to hate it when my writers would begin a column with “Webster’s Dictionary defines so-and-so as such-and-such” and then go off on some lilting rant about whatever political topic of the day was causing them perturbation. Luckily, I had the good sense to include this introductory paragraph to inoculate me from my own disdain as the weekend approaches.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines “perturbation” as “a deviation of a moving object or process from its regular or normal state or path, caused by an outside influence.” It defines “audacious” as “willing to take risks or do something shocking” and “concoction” as “a strange or unusual mixture of things, especially drinks or medicines.”

So buckle up, adjust your seats to their full upright position, make sure your airbags are in proper working order, store all shiftable items under the seat in front of you and maybe pop a Pepcid AC for good measure. Because today’s review is about Report In Pub, and it makes one audacious concoction indeed. And if I’m being honest, it’s got enough going on that just looking at it should make you feel stuffed and a little tipsy.

Hyperbole aside, Report In Pub has everything you might ordinarily want from a good bar and grill. It has 20 beers on tap, more in cans and bottles, a full bar and a kitchen with the usual favorites, including fried pickles. But what really sets Report In Pub apart is its extraordinary rendition of America’s favorite morning hangover cure, the bloody mary.

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As you can tell from the accompanying photo, Report In Pub’s bloody mary literally has everything. Not only is it served in a massive 32-ounce beer stein normally reserved for Vikings, it has a heavy metal skewer running through fried pickles, onion rings, chicken wings, dill spears, olives, celery and, the pièce de résistance, a cheeseburger. This drink would make Old Bloody Mary Tudor herself rethink some of her life choices. It is as American and as pointed as the tail fins on a 1958 Buick DeSoto. My friendly bartender Ali made mine. It was delicious.

The concoction was invented by owner and manager Jason Brasch. And if you are in any way, shape or form wondering if the Report In Pub bloody mary was designed as some kind of a joke, yes, it was. Good eye for comedy there. Brasch told me on one of my previous visits some time ago that the idea to put an enormous skewer of bar food in a bloody mary was a bit of an ode to current trends, as well as a regular customer who came in hungover and indecisive about what to order. Brasch just stuck one or two of everything in a mug full of elixir as a jape, but once the laughter died down, a new special was born. At $18, it’s not overpriced at all.

Report In also has more taps than a Depression-era musical. It has many craft beers familiar to connoisseurs, as well as a few you might not have seen before from North Coast, Clown Shoes, Cosmic Eye and Knee Deep. I’m getting another RIP bloody mary, though, and I hope to see you there.

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