brad_dickson

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/brad and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* A Millard teenager spent over four hours writing "PROM?" in huge 117-foot letters in the snow in hopes of impressing a girl. OK, here's one kid who really didn't want to hear the words "warm up" in the local forecast.

* "It says "PRO?" "No, the 'M' melted."

* Here's the worst news for the kid in Millard. This Sunday, on Valentine's Day, he's expected to top that.

* Marco Rubio: "I dropped the ball." Cam Newton: "Well, I'm not going to fall on it."

* The New York Daily News depicted Donald Trump in clown makeup. So the paper is endorsing Trump for Congress?

* I read that turnout in New Hampshire primaries routinely tops 60 percent. The only way most states could get that is to hold voting at fast food drive-thru windows.

* For Valentine's Day, a company is selling a mug reading "I love farting." This is perfect if you're purchasing a Valentine's gift for, say, a member of royalty.

* I'm just glad we're not degenerating into a tacky society.

* LeBron James hit Laker D'Angelo Russell in the groin with a pass. The good news is that Russell was later able to hit high notes that even Lady Gaga couldn't reach in her Super Bowl national anthem.

* In Albuquerque, a mother called 911 after her son allegedly stole her stew. Nah, we’re not foodies.

* There’s a new gift item in stores – a Bigfoot garden statue. Guys are going, “Just in time for Valentine’s Day.”

*The coolest thing is seeing photos of your statue on that cable TV show “Finding Bigfoot.”

* Give Peyton Manning credit. He had a good year at an age where most athletes are switching to bingo as their primary sport.

* Michael Phelps won his first race of 2016. Perhaps most impressive is it was against a school of dolphins with one hand tied behind his back.

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