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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes.
* Pothole repair is underway in Omaha. Let’s see, there’s painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Chiseling Mount Rushmore. Erecting the Egyptian pyramids. And now, the most ambitious project of all, fixing Omaha potholes.
* A southbound curb lane of 78th Street in Omaha is closing for two weeks for fiber optics installation. So to be safe, if you’re going that way, drive on the sidewalk.
* The Nebraska Legislature advanced a bill that would ease the requirement for a front license plate. Good. Now maybe I can stop rehearsing saying, “It just fell off two blocks ago, officer.”
* At the U.S. Olympic Swim Trials in Omaha, fans will be able to try surfing indoors. After we were able to go snowboarding down the 90th and Dodge Street hill this winter, it only seems appropriate.
* This is not to be confused with the crowd surfing often seen at MECA board meetings.
* A bill to assist the Omaha Crossroads never got going in the Nebraska Legislature. If it were to assist the Alliance Crossroads or the Kearney Crossroads, it would’ve passed unanimously.
* MECA is holding a job fair. It’s for people who want to work in a county other than the one in which they live ... no?
* There is a photo tour of California’s death row. Or, as Nebraska Gov. Pete Ricketts calls it: “The real Disneyland.”
* Warren Buffett is going to be a judge on “Celebrity Apprentice.” A tip to would-be contestants: Walk out and hand the judge a Dilly Bar.
* Afterward, Buffett will be presented with the “Busiest 85-Year-old in the World” trophy.
* The Omaha City Council approved a proposal to spend $3.1 million to demolish the Civic Auditorium. Frustrated Ralston officials: “Uh, how much extra to demolish the Ralston Arena?”
* OPS is considering the use of metal detectors and gun-sniffing dogs. But remember, kids, these are the best years of your life.
* Mike Riley appears to have fired defensive line coach Hank Hughes after one season. I’m not sure judging a Husker coach after just one year is a precedent Riley wants to set in Lincoln.
* New unemployment figures show that 151,000 jobs have been created so far this year. Well, 151,001 counting the Husker defensive line coach position.
* I wouldn’t say Bernie Sanders has been around awhile, but when he first ran for office the state was just called “Hampshire.”
* Hillary Clinton’s margin of victory in Iowa has narrowed even more. Let me put it this way. Eating that fried porkchop on a stick at the Iowa State Fair was basically the difference between winning and losing for Clinton.
* Jeb Bush has launched a tour called “Jeb Can Fix It.” Unfortunately, at rallies he’s being met by people toting broken washing machines and microwaves.
* Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. This answers the age-old question: ”Can you nominate yourself?”
* A bloodhound slipped into an Alabama half-marathon and finished seventh. The family cat: “Heck, if I knew all those people would chant your name for 13 miles, I’d have entered too.”
* The future of distance running in the U.S. is ... a dog?