brad_dickson

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/brad and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* Highs in the low 60s are predicted for Omaha later this week. If I can just hear one local TV weather person say "And the heat index is ..." it may be enough to get me through the rest of winter.

* Omaha Performing Arts backed out of the deal with the city to acquire three century-old buildings. Sure, OPA backed out. If you wait for the city to do the right thing, the buildings will be 200 years old.

* Omaha Beer Week begins Feb. 19 and runs through Feb. 28. Ten days. If Beer Week is 10 days, then Omaha Bacon Week must be at least a month.

* This is the time of year that Omaha traditionally turns into one giant fish fry.

* This is that time of year when Omaha ceases being the Fiber Optic Cable Repair Capital and becomes the Fish Fry Capital.

* Comcast Cable suffered a near-nationwide outage Monday. It was awful. Showtime subscribers had to get through an entire day without 12 showings of "Dolphin Tale."

* HBO subscribers only got an opportunity to watch "The Departed" twice instead of the normal 11 times.

* If you missed the GOP presidential debate over the weekend, a quick impression: "Liar!" "Liar!" "Liar, pants on fire." "You suck!" "You suck more!" "Liar!"

* At the Democratic debate, Hillary Clinton said, "We are not England. We are not France." I picture Bernie Sanders: "Not yet anyway."

* President Obama is so enamored with TV celebrities, here's what scares me: "Supreme Court Justice nominee Judge Judy."

* I wouldn't say the Grammys can be a little staid, but I think Tony Bennett won Best New Artist.

* At the Grammys, a Gwen Stefani backup dancer on roller skates fell. If this was your favorite Grammy moment ever, you are twisted.

* How about the red carpet style at the Grammys? There is less skin in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.

* It was basically a two-hour Fruit of the Loom ad.

* Wasp venom is thought to possibly cure or prevent some illness. You think you hate getting a flu shot ...

* Adele gave a toned-down performance at Monday night’s Grammy Awards. That’s when she only breaks two ribs reaching the notes.

* Most of the performances at the Grammys were so dull that it felt like auditions to be Super Bowl halftime performer were being held.

* There is online footage of a cheetah and a greyhound having a race. My favorite part is at the very end when Usain Bolt passes both to win the race.

* An Ohio high school student section distracts opponents at the free-throw line by having a kid pretend to deliver another kid’s baby. If this was allowed in the NBA when, say, John Stockton played, he would’ve been a career 38 percent free-throw shooter.

* A Scottish rugby player is facing punishment for grabbing the genitals of an opponent during a scrum. I picture Bill Belichick, looking for an edge next year, going: “Noted.”

* At least now for the first time the opponent can reach the high notes in the Scottish national anthem.

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