brad_dickson

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/brad and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* To give you an idea how heavy the snow was earlier this week, to clear his driveway my neighbor brought in a bulldozer.

* Cox Communications offered free Wi-Fi hotspots during the Omaha snowstorm. The number of times that "Cox Communications" and "free" have appeared in the same sentence ... well, this is the first time.

* Those 55 mph winds in Omaha on Tuesday night were caused by the GOP establishment breathing a sigh of relief after Donald Trump lost in Iowa.

* On signing day I would've liked to see the state of Nebraska sign some five-star meteorologists. The type that can get within 10 inches on their snowfall forecast.

* Wednesday night I watched a Valentine's Day TV special featuring roses and heart-shaped chocolates. Wait, those were the moderators' gifts to the candidates at the CNN Democratic candidates town hall.

* Rick Santorum, Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee and Martin O'Malley have dropped out of the presidential race. Instead of the Hawkeye State, Iowa is now known as the Campaign Killer State.

* Right about now many Iowa voters are realizing that their messages to celebrities who gave them their email addresses before the caucuses have bounced.

* I am ready to proclaim anyone who can understand the Iowa caucuses “the Albert Einstein of this generation.”

* I hope you caught the extensive World-Herald coverage of national college football signing day. I'm pretty sure we were live tweeting from the roof of a four-star's home.

* Bleacher Report produced elaborate signing day videos. One took longer to film than "Lawrence of Arabia."

* On signing day, Mike Riley appeared to be nursing a cold. No truth to rumors that Shawn Eichorst offered Riley his shirt sleeve to blow his nose into.

* KFC is hinting it will debut a new colonel during the Super Bowl. Shouldn't this guy be a general by now?

* According to a U.N. study, feces in the world is worth $9.5 billion. Note to investors: Forget investing the stock market and instead go with the #%^!.

* Feces is worth $9.5 billion. Hey, I think I came up with a way for Congress to pay down some of the national debt.

* On signing day, four-star recruit Deontay Anderson jumped out of an airplane to announced he was going to Ole Miss. To top this, next year some kid has to figure out a way to get to the International Space Station.

* Because the Super Bowl is being played in northern California, the scoreboard computer operator has received more local publicity than Cam Newton and Peyton Manning.

* Roger Craig delivered the Lombardi Trophy to the NFL Experience. Omahan Clete Blakeman is head referee. Yet, all the publicity in our city will go to a quarterback shouting, “Omaha! Omaha!”

* The Cleveland Browns have named a new coach. This time they just called a temp agency.

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