brad_dickson

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/brad and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* The northeast is experiencing freezing cold temperatures and bracing for potentially heavy snow. Any time Nebraska doesn't have the worst weather in the nation, it's a good day.

* A paranormal team is asking the ghosts inside a 132-year-old downtown Omaha building how they feel about the building potentially being torn down. Hey, anytime we can take a decision out of the hands of the Omaha City Council and put it in the hands of ghosts, it's a good thing.

*Every year I celebrate Presidents Day by putting in my wooden teeth, chopping down a tree and then initially lying about it.

* Valentine's Day is for those into romance. Tinder users got to sit this one out.

* In Japan, the pressure is on women to give gifts to men on Valentine's Day. It sounds like revering the elderly isn't the only Japanese custom we should be adopting.

* There was a new Valentine's gift this year: "roses" that are actually made of bacon. You know, after more than four decades of ignoring it, I may be finally getting into Valentine's Day.

* If you spent enough money, some companies offered free delivery on Valentine's Day this year. Considering what it typically costs for Valentine's Day gifts, the companies should offer to paint your house.

* Valentine's Day is banned in Indonesia. Right now the typical guy reading this is thinking of renouncing his citizenship before next Feb. 14.

* You could buy “heart-shaped marijuana pies” for Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day sure has changed since we used to make crepe paper Valentines to stick them in our crush’s little red box.

* You could name a cockroach after your Valentine this year. I’m guessing this was started by a divorce lawyer looking for clients.

* Many experts think Marco Rubio won the GOP presidential debate over the weekend. I believe this was 2016 GOP Debate XXVI.

* Experts say a Bernie Sanders win would echo from Wall Street to Washington, D.C., I picture Hillary Clinton: "My two favorite places."

* A meteorite was spotted over Canada – wait, that was Zach LaVine at the NBA slam dunk contest.

* At the end of the NBA All-Star Game, Steph Curry hit a halfcourt shot. This would be even more impressive if better defense wasn't played at donkey basketball games.

* The West all-stars defeated the East 196-173. You know what you call an NBA All-Star Game that ends 196-173? "Defensive struggle."

* I wouldn’t say there’s not much defense played at the NBA All-Star Game, but off the bench the Pelicans mascot scored 23 points.

* North Korea has launched an “Earth observation satellite.” Considering the technical level of North Korea, I’m pretty sure this is a selfie stick.

* Jim Fassel blamed Cam Newton’s poor play in the Super Bowl on the gold shoes Newton wore during warmups. Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz” immediately spoke in Cam’s defense.

* There is a proposal to nickname the Los Angeles NFL team the “L.A. Baristas.” OK, I knew this was a bad idea.

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