brad_dickson

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/brad and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes.

* Omaha Beer Week begins Friday and lasts for 10 days. This is especially appalling coming on the heels of the 24-hour Presidents Day.

* I saw a reference to “the most powerful man in Nebraska.” That activist investor who’s running Cabela’s?

* The Omaha forecast for Thursday and Friday calls for highs in the low to mid-60s and a zero percent chance of precipitation. Cynical Omahans are preparing for a blizzard.

* Temperatures in eastern Nebraska are expected to climb into the 60s for the next few days. Longtime Omahans: “We’ll pay for this when it’s 31 in July.”

* “Just wait until August and there’s freezing drizzle.”

* Didn’t the groundhog call for an early spring? That’s Punxsutawney Phil 1, Omaha TV meteorologists 0.

* Omaha Public Works is supplementing its crews doing pothole repairs with parks department employees. I think this means some of our larger potholes are being turned into lagoons.

* The 50th Home & Garden Expo is underway in Omaha. With this weather, for the first time in 50 years they may find something that will grow in February in Nebraska.

* This year’s Home & Garden Expo features exotic animals. Now do the giraffes and water moccasins go in your home or your garden?

* There is some support in Iowa for legalizing marijuana. You think lots of Omahans flock to Council Bluffs that weekend when there’s no sales tax ...

* The University of Nebraska-Lincoln has named four finalists for the open chancellor position. Nebraskans want the candidate with ties to the best defensive line coach.

* Omaha Performing Arts backed out of its deal with the city due to public criticism. Members of the Douglas County Board of Commissioners took a break from counting their pay raise to say: “Paying attention to public criticism? That’s nuts!”

* I crunched some numbers, and at the current rate by the year 2050 Omaha will be nothing but road closed signs, neighborhood Walmarts and Chinese buffets.

* Winners of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show are selected partly on quality of coat and gait. It’s the same basic criteria we use for choosing our presidential fron-runners.

* The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue's photos were taken at a number of exotic, tropical locations. If you look closely, at three of the locales in the background you can spot the Obamas on vacation.

* Donald Trump recently mocked Jeb Bush for asking his “Mommy” to campaign with him. OK, the campaign has officially degenerated into a second-grade playground fight.

* Doctors have proclaimed a 26-year-old man a “medical miracle.” I believe that means he’s the one person with no complaints about his Obamacare policy.

* A man disguised as Batman robbed a dollar store. If you’re a regular reader of this column, it’s not necessary for me to inform you this happened in Florida.

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