Joe Hearn: Retirement deserves its own language

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Posted: Friday, March 7, 2014 12:00 am

I’d like to take a moment to thank the good people at Merriam-Webster and Oxford English Dictionaries.

Each year they faithfully add hundreds of new words in an effort to help us all communicate more efficiently and effectively. After all, without those additions, how would we know the difference between fracking and twerking?

I mean, seriously. How did our ancestors survive without acronyms like MOOC and YOLO? And without words like selfie, how would we describe carefully choreographed, deceptively flattering photos of ourselves? Vanity photo? Ego pic? Those sound so … narcissistic.

So in the interest of a more perfect lexicon, I have a few submissions I’d like to make for 2014. Below are 15 retirement words that don’t exist but should.

1. Jobby: noun. Plural, jobbies. A hobby that you enjoy and are passionate about that you turn into a job or second career during retirement. Running the bed and breakfast is a jobby of mine.

2. Benboozle: verb. See also benboozled, benboozling. To deceive retirement savers into believing that they have enough money, only to make it incredibly difficult for them to generate retirement income due to financial repression and a policy of zero percent interest rates similar to that instituted by Ben Bernanke. I thought my nest egg was adequate until Bernanke came along and benboozled me.

3. Moneymoon: noun. That brief period after you retire when you’re more concerned about having meaningful experiences than you are about running out of money. The bills from our African safari came in today and, unfortunately, the moneymoon is over.

4. Casabanka: noun. A house that is used to fund one’s retirement via a reverse mortgage. If our nest egg isn’t big enough, we may need to withdraw money from casabanka.

5. Boomerboomerang: noun. A person who retires, but misses the challenge and social interaction of his or her job and returns to work either full or part time.

6. YOLHO: slang. You Only Leave Home Once! Acronym used by empty nesters to discourage their adult children from moving back home when the latter are struggling with the poor economy or bad job prospects.

7. Refire: verb. See also refired, refirng. When a person retires sooner than expected because he or she got fired, downsized or laid off. Matt refired from his job at the factory when they brought in a machine to do his job.

8. Someday Window: noun. The wonderful window of time during life when you are retired, healthy and able to do all the things that you’ve been putting off until “someday.”

9. Maximalist: noun. A person who lives life thoroughly and to the full. Similar to how a minimalist will structure life around minimizing possessions, a maximalist will structure life around maximizing experiences.

10. Globetalker: noun. A person who talks frequently about the globetrotting and travel that he or she has done or plans to do.

11. Taxile: noun. A retiree who leaves his or her home state because of an unfavorable tax structure. I haven’t always lived in Florida. I’m a taxile from Nebraska.

12. CRLP: slang. Cash Rich, Lifestyle Poor. Acronym used to describe a person who treats retirement solely as a math problem. The person has enough money but doesn’t use it to enjoy life.

13. Doughphobia: noun. An abnormal fear of outliving your money.

14. Fibflation: noun. A false estimate of the general rise in prices used by the government to justify an unfair cost of living adjustment in Social Security.

15. To-Don’t List: noun. A list of tasks, activities or obligations that you plan to quit doing once you retire, usually organized in order of priority. This is my last year as club president. Once I retire, it’s totally going at the top of my To-Don’t List.

Do you have a favorite or two from the list? Feel free to go to www.omaha.com and share this article on Facebook or Twitter. Be sure to tag @MerriamWebster or @OED and, with a bit of luck, we’ll get a few new words added to the dictionary for future generations of retirees.

Joe Hearn is an Omaha financial planner. He can be reached at 402-331-8600 or by email at joe@intentionalretirement.com.

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