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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* I read the Arctic is growing steadily warmer. Who wants to organize the migration from Omaha?
* On Tuesday morning, there were birds singing outside my window. Apparently the birds went south for the winter and then realized the weather was even worse in Atlanta.
* The weather is so bad in the northeast, a group of confused penguins marched there.
* At a campaign event in Valentine, Neb., State Sen. Tom Carlson wore loafers. Insert your own lazy Nebraska Legislature joke here.
* All the Republican candidates for governor convened in Valentine over the weekend. I believe this tripled the population of Valentine.
* Monday was Presidents' Day. To celebrate, Americans hung out with celebrities and pretended they had a low approval rating.
* Bob Costas has returned to NBC's primetime Winter Olympics coverage. This comes after Jay Leno showed up in Sochi and asked, "I heard you need a host?"
* The U.S. pair defeated the Canadians in ice dancing. When Canada loses a winter sport, it's considered an act of war.
* I read that the U.S. and Canada have an ice dancing rivalry. OK, Canada -- if it makes you feel good that there's finally something where you can compete against the U.S., we can call it a rivalry.
* The Dutch women swept the 1,500-meter speed skate. Most impressive: they did it on wooden skates.
* The Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition cover models were unveiled. It's been such a brutal winter, they're wearing parkas.
* The Esquire Network has a new reality show about youth football in Texas. It's sort of like HBO's "Hard Knocks," only the Texas youth players devote more time to football.
* On Sunday, I heard a TV sports commentator shout, "Do you believe in miracles?!" It was right after a guy in the NBA All Star Game played some defense.