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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* Actor Samuel L. Jackson attended Michelle Obama's 50th birthday bash. After seeing Jackson, President Obama remembered he needed to introduce an amendment to the U.S. Constitution forbidding the filming of "Snakes on a Plane II."
* There's a new calendar out. Each day of the month contains an image of a different Chris Christie scandal.
* Christie's staff is accusing MSNBC of being partisan. Then the Christie aides stated that the sun rises in the east.
* CNN aired the SAG Awards red carpet arrivals. In the history of time, I don't think anybody was less interested in an event than I was in this.
* There's a ticker tape parade planned if Peyton Manning and the Broncos win the Super Bowl. And that's in Omaha.
* After the NFC championship game, 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh quoted Ernest Hemingway. And, I'm pretty sure Seahawks defensive back Richard Sherman quoted Randy "Macho Man" Savage.
* Can someone get Sherman a decaf please?
* The Jamaican bobsled team qualified for the Olympics. This is still less of a surprise than if the Kansas City Chiefs had won a playoff game.
* The U.S. Congress passed a $1.1 trillion budget that's 1,582 pages long. To get members of the current Congress to read it, it was condensed to six emoticons.
* A former Chris Christie aide said he's willing to tell all in exchange for immunity. The U.S. Congress: “Immunity? Well, we can't guarantee you won't catch the flu.”
* Chris Christie could be impeached if it's proven that he knew what was going on with the George Washington Bridge lane closures. This is why members of the U.S. Congress never get impeached. It's been proven time and again they never know what's going on.
* Bridgegate involves traffic on the George Washington Bridge. Somewhere, George Washington is going, “Jeesh, leave me out of this.”
* George Washington never told a lie. In today's politics he wouldn't make it out of the primary.
* A man in Tennessee is running for governor so he can get his confiscated pet raccoon back. Hey, I'm just glad it wasn't for some dumb reason.
* More than half the members of Congress are millionaires. This proves that old adage: “It's better to be rich than popular.”
* Actress Betty White turned 92 on Friday. She'll be joining the cast of “Glee” to play the new high school junior.
* A Michigan woman discovered a python living inside her new sofa. The snake had been living inside the sofa for two months. This is when you know you spill a lot of food while watching TV – reptiles are able to survive.
* During a Lakers game. Jack Nicholson told Cavs coach Mike Brown to move because he was blocking Nicholson's view. Brown took a couple steps to his left but then he was in Dyan Cannon's way.
* Honorary captain Deion Sanders said he's planning to “suit up” in the NFL Pro Bowl. I wouldn't worry too much. Considering how hard NFL players play in the Pro Bowl, I think Abe Vigoda could play tight end without injury.