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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* The strongest wind gusts in years are impacting the Midlands on Thursday. It's so windy, an Omaha TV reporter was actually blown out of the zoo's new baby penguin enclosure.
* It's so windy, someone who lives within the Omaha city limits was blown onto the MECA board.
* At last report, a Mini Cooper was seen circling overhead in the Waverly area.
* Gov. Dave Heineman delivered a final, historic State of the State address Wednesday. It was completely overshadowed by the opening of two new Walmarts in Omaha.
* Gov. Heineman is calling for tax cuts up to $500 million over three years. That cackling heard from Omaha to Alliance was the laughter of special interest groups. "Good luck with that!"
* In an attempt to win over Nebraskans, Heineman asked Ameer Abdullah and the Henry Doorly Zoo & Aquarium's baby penguins to stand on the podium beside him.
* Now, Heineman and Lt. Gov. Lavon Heidemann are headed on a tour of the state. Hey, I think I found Peyton Manning's next snap count. "Heineman, Heidemann!"
* There are eastbound lane restrictions at 49th and Center, in effect for three days. Small children in Omaha are now learning directions from all the lane closures.
* "Nebraska" received six Academy Award nominations Thursday, including one for Best Picture. "Nebraska" is expected to be so dominant, the Oscar ceremony will be broadcast in black and white.
* Things are going so bad for N.J. Gov. Chris Christie, he called A-Rod and offered to swap scandals.
* Congress passed a bipartisan $1.1-trillion spending bill with almost no resistance. Oh, no -- someone has kidnapped members of Congress and replaced them with exact doubles!
* The spending bill is more than 1,500 pages long. If Congress can condense that down to a 140-character tweet, I think a couple of Americans may read it.
* Sen. Ron Johnson (R.-Wis.) is suing the Obama administration over Obamacare. Now that this is headed to the court system, we'll finally have a resolution ... probably sometime in late 2038.
* Washington, D.C., was named the "Gayest City in America" by Advocate. This may be one way to keep tea party members from running for re-election.