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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* There were wind gusts of 60 mph in eastern Nebraska on Thursday morning. With all of our water main breaks, the big concern was a tsunami.
* It's windy. On my way to work on Interstate 80, I was passed by six flying garden gnomes.
* It's so windy, people who work near the Gene Leahy Mall are arriving at their offices covered in mud.
* The $1.1 trillion spending bill passed by Congress is 1,582 pages long. It was briefly mistaken for the transcript of Ted Cruz's next speech.
* That's almost as long as N.J. Gov. Chris Christie's enemies list.
* Many Chicagoans are upset the new Cubs mascot isn't wearing pants. OK, I don't want to hear one person in Chicago mock Omahans for making a big deal out of Peyton Manning's "Omaha!" snap count.
* NU President J.B. Milliken visited the White House on Thursday. President Obama requested that part of the proceeds from UNL's tuition hikes be allocated toward Obamacare.
* The Academy Award nominations were announced Thursday morning. This is when we honor the past-his-prime actor who gained or lost the most weight for a part in an obscure movie nobody's seen.
* New York City is dealing with a serious fog. This is a dream come true for New Yorkers: They can go to the bathroom in the street, and nobody will see them.
* Twitter was down for several minutes on Wednesday. It affected thousands of users. And those are just the Fake Shawn Eichorsts.
* It was awful. Bo Pelini was forced to text Faux Pelini.
* President Obama welcomed the Miami Heat to the White House on Tuesday. Well, most of the Miami Heat. Chris "Birdman" Andersen is still trying to get past security.
* The loser of an Omaha fantasy football league has to get an embarrassing, large tattoo on his thigh. You think the stakes are high in the Super Bowl...
* Creighton wore its gray uniforms for the third time this season in its 88-60 win over Butler. Of course, college sports fans care about more than a team's uniforms ... well, some do.