Breaking Brad: Brother, can you spare Joe Biden a dime? - Omaha.com
Published Friday, November 22, 2013 at 8:43 am / Updated at 1:46 pm
Breaking Brad: Brother, can you spare Joe Biden a dime?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* About an inch of snow accumulated in the Omaha metro area. Which is manageable. General rule of thumb: For every inch of snow, Omaha drivers lose 10 IQ points.

* I had a smooth drive home Thursday night, except for getting stuck in five inches of brine near 120th and Dodge.

* Breaking news: If the Mars rover finds life on the red planet, the Omaha City Council passed a resolution that they be allowed to vote in city elections.

* There is a shortage of large Butterball turkeys a week before Thanksgiving. Americans will tolerate a dysfunctional health-care system. We will accept a failed Postal Service. We'll put up with a horrible Congress. But a shortage of large turkeys should send us rioting into the streets.

* If I'm one of the two White House turkeys expecting a pardon from President Obama next week, right now, I'm nervous.

* The two Thanksgiving turkeys pardoned by President Obama last year have died. I don't think it's too soon to start talking about an Obama administration curse.

* Thanksgiving is later than usual. That's to give Kohl's and J. C. Penney an extra week to arrange their gift displays for Thanksgiving night.

* Abraham Lincoln issued a proclamation in 1863 declaring the last Thursday in November be designated a national holiday. If you're paying attention, you know that Abe Lincoln has just been overruled by Kohl's.

* I'm sorry, but we've lost the true meaning of the holidays. Santa announced he won't be able to deliver all his gifts by Christmas Day because he's appearing at halftime of the Bulls-Nets game.

* Joe Biden tried to purchase sub sandwiches in Washington, D.C., on Thursday but didn't have enough money. The Clintons are already capitalizing. “You want to elect a man to pay down a $15 trillion national debt who doesn't have enough for a sub sandwich?"

* It was $56.25 for four sub sandwiches. Where was that sandwich shop -- inside the Pentagon?

* Democratic discontent with Obamacare is apparently growing. When Barack Obama promised to unite Democrats and Republicans, I'm not sure this is what he had in mind.

* There's now an action figure of “Obamacare Girl,” the woman who was pictured on HealthCare.Gov. This is the lamest attempt yet to pay for Obamacare yet.

* Technically, wouldn't this be an “inaction figure”?

* It looks like Chris Christie may be the GOP presidential nominee in 2016. Mitt Romney was the GOP nominee in 2012. If this doesn't work again, in 2020, the GOP is going to try nominating a Republican.

* Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has been stripped of virtually all his powers. If he was in the U.S., this would make him vice president.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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