* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's afternoon column. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* The Omaha forecast calls for between zero precipitation and six inches of snow. In the weather business, this is formally known as the "covering-your-butt forecast."
* I saw one forecast predicting an inch of snow Thursday. So, that would mean Omaha schools will be closed all next week, right?
* We don't have to worry about Omaha drivers forgetting how to drive in snow since most never learned in the first place.
* A Husker touchdown balloon was found in Ludington State Park in Michigan, approximately 565 miles from Memorial Stadium. Considering the way the wind blows in Lincoln, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that the Mars rover popped one, too.
* Science is close to being able to prevent heart attacks in mice. I continue to be unimpressed with Obamacare.
* Ricky Martin has written a children's book. Since he's a celebrity, that's the law.
* Every celebrity in the world must write at least one children's book in their lives.
* Miley Cyrus is suffering laryngitis and under doctor's orders not to sing. America, your prayers have been answered.
* I'm not sure why Miley got sick, but it may have something to do with hanging around outside on a wrecking ball with no clothes on.
* People are still talking about the USC football team's upset of Stanford. USC students were so stoked, they had their butlers rush the field and told their limo drivers to tear down the goal posts.
* Tim Tebow reportedly wants to enter broadcasting. I look for ESPN executives to formally give him the network sometime next week.
* A record for fan attendance is expected to be set when Virginia Tech plays Tennessee at Bristol Motor Speedway in 2016. It should be fun when the team buses enter the stadium at 160 mph.
* The Texas Motor Speedway has debuted bacon and beer milkshakes. I'm already looking forward to the first race driven entirely under the yellow caution flag because fans threw up on the track.
* Baylor is closing in on Ohio State for No. 3 in the BCS, partly based on margin of victory. The rest of the season, I look for Urban Meyer to begin throwing Hail Marys to the end zone starting on the first play of the game.
* The Houston Texans kicked three players off the team for smoking marijuana. Whereupon 1,000 professional athletes said: “You mean that's wrong?”
* Jaguars DE Jason Babin ripped out some dreadlocks of an Arizona Cardinals running back. So, I guess we've found our captain of the 2013 All-Madden Team.
* Nothing sums up the violence of the NFL better than a guy standing and holding a scalp.