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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Now that the partial government shutdown has ended, the National Zoo “panda cam” is back on. The first image seen was a panda giving Congress the finger.
* The panda cam being off was a horrible experience for Americans. Some of them were forced to pay attention to their own kids.
* A new poll taken the day after Lee Terry's controversial remarks shows Pete Festersen leading Terry. The poll was administered by the Opportunists of America -- I mean, the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee.
* Festersen and Terry are running neck and neck with Festersen's lead below the margin of error. So that American resolve to throw out every incumbent lasted for about 37 seconds.
* Road construction on Dodge Street in Omaha was completed ahead of schedule, and Congress reached an agreement to end the shutdown and raise the debt ceiling. I'm unsure which of these two was the greater miracle.
* High salaries and expensive perks for UNL administrators are called the cost of luring “the best and the brightest.” Suggestion: Maybe we should instead pursue “the merely adequate.”
* Good news: The Nebraska Humane Society has found a home for a pair of dog friends named Pelini and Osborne. Not only that, but their new owner is also getting a dog named Eichorst to keep an eye on Pelini.
* The Humane Society will offer dogs for half-price and cats for free Saturday. What kind of attitude are cats gonna cop when they realize you pay for a dog but they're free?
* It's now reported members of Congress voted to end the partial shutdown after paying attention to the polls. I believe it was the poll showing Congress is less popular than ringworm that did the trick.
* The stalemate ended when members of Congress realized it was harming their re-election hopes -- I mean, hurting the United States of America.
* Several Republicans are calling for someone more moderate than Ted Cruz to lead the tea party. How about Ted Nugent?
* The government is funded for another 90 days. This means Congress will celebrate hard for 89 days and then get down to work to avoid the next shutdown.
* President Obama has nominated Janet Yellen for Federal Reserve chief. Republicans in Congress say they're opposing Yellen "because we don't like the name Janet."
* California Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed a bill that would allow non-citizens to serve jury duty. Sure, American-born Californians are perfectly capable of screwing up their own jury verdicts.