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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Dodge Street reopened 30 days ahead of schedule. Not only will this make the morning commute easier, but I'm also pretty sure it constitutes a modern-day miracle.
* Vice President Joe Biden may have called Pete Festersen and encouraged him to run for Congress. And when a man as busy as, oh, never mind.
* In addition to her new puppy, Lily, Mayor Jean Stothert has a 10-year-old Australian Shepherd and three cats. Omaha's budget problems are so severe, she should open a petting zoo.
* Tea party members are attacking Stothert for having an Australian Shepherd instead of an American shepherd.
* Lily is part retriever. That's part of the problem. Every time Stothert throws away some bad budget plan, Lily brings it back.
* “Hooters Girl” and “Baby Pimp” costumes for kids are hot sellers this Halloween. See, this is what happens when you skip parenting class.
* CNN.com announced new Nobel Prize winners under the headline “Geeks of the Week.” Nice to see the news media giving our best and brightest the respect they deserve.
* Mount Rushmore reopened Monday. I think it's just nice for Americans to get a look at politicians who knew what they were doing.
* It sounds like Congress is getting desperate with the debt ceiling fast approaching. Now, there's a Kickstarter campaign to raise $16.7 trillion.
* The debt ceiling is so close, Congress is thinking of delaying its next debate on a suitable college football playoff format until Friday.
* Sen. Harry Reid forecast a “bright day” for Tuesday. At this point, I'd place more stock in predictions by the former KFAB late-night psychic.
* The Senate may be closing in on a deal 48 hours before we reach the debt ceiling deadline. Here's the worst-case scenario: The Senate is minutes away from the deadline when Sen. Ted Cruz says: “I'd like to say a few words.”
* A new study claims that members of Congress work an average of 70 hours per week. Of course 69 of those hours are campaigning for their next race with the 70th hour spent slandering the opposing party.
* If you're a typical American, you spent the entire three-day Columbus Day weekend trying to sign up for Obamacare.
* The Nobel Prize in Medicine was recently announced. If this vote was left up to Americans, it would go to the doctor who keeps his patients in the waiting room for the shortest amount of time.