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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Mayor Jean Stothert has adopted a dog named Lily who has been proclaimed "First Puppy of Omaha." It's sort of like being the bike czar, only with more official duties.
* Stothert has adopted a new puppy. Good for her. I don't know what breed it is, but we can pretty much rule out a dalmatian.
* After he initially opted not to run against Lee Terry to be with his family, Pete Festersen is reconsidering. This means one of two things: either Festersen was encouraged by Terry's verbal misstep, or Festersen's family isn't all that interesting after all.
* The Nebraska quintuplets have all started learning how to drive. So parents who are under a lot of stress this week, take solace in that things could be worse.
* It's expected to go well, except for those $3 million monthly insurance premiums Dad will be paying.
* I read that this year Americans are expected to spend less money on Halloween costumes for their pets. Even if everyone in America spends a collective 89 cents on Halloween costumes for their pets, it's way too much.
* Americans are finally cutting back. The bad news? They're buying a less expensive trick-or-treat costume for the Schnauzer.
* According to a Des Moines Register poll, Iowa Democrats want a “fresh face" in 2016. It's not as if the Des Moines Register speaks for all liberals in Iowa -- oh, wait, it pretty much does.
* The Nobel Prize in Physics has been awarded to two men who discovered a mechanism that led to an understanding of mass subatomic particles confirmed from the discovery of fundamental particles of the ATLAS and CMS experiments. I'll explain what this means just as soon as I figure out how to program my car radio.
* The Nobel Prize in Medicine has been announced. It went to a community college student who became the first American to successfully navigate the Affordable Care Act website and sign up for Obamacare.
* The White House is trying to eliminate glitches on the Affordable Care Act sign-up website. Due to the government shutdown, President Obama called the Geek Squad.
* There was a purported mountain lion sighting in Washington, D.C. Apparently someone is upset his national park was closed and is taking his complaint directly to Congress.
* USA Today reports the Miley Cyrus-Sinead O'Connor feud has “escalated.” Considering his love of celebrities, President Obama is much more concerned with these tensions than the ones in Syria.
* Hillary Clinton has recently spoken at a women's institute, a black women's sorority, to college students, at a Jewish university hospital, to senior citizens and to a gay organization. The only way it could be clearer she's running for president is if she takes a bus through Iowa while leaning out the window kissing babies.
* A highway bridge in Green Bay, Wis., suddenly sagged two feet. If this happened in Omaha, the bridge would be closed for, like, 65 years to fix it.
* According to a new study, the No. 1 job skill employees will need in 2020: empathy. This means almost everybody in the current Congress will be unemployed.
* Kobe Bryant is going to undergo knee treatment in Germany. Another blow to Obamacare.