* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* Congress is considering a new bill to fund the federal government for six weeks. Six weeks? That's not even long enough for Ted Cruz to give a speech.
* According to a CNN poll taken just before the shutdown, Congress' approval rating was 10 percent. I don't think it'd be hyperbole to suggest Congress is now at zero.
* Congress' approval rating is 10 percent. Listeria is at 12 percent.
* The news isn't all bad: For instance, on Monday night, Bill Nye "The Science Guy" was voted off "Dancing with the Stars."
* Miley Cyrus tweeted new racy photos. Yawn. If she wants to shock us, how about tweeting a photo of herself in a pantsuit?
* For the first time in 35 years, scientists have discovered a new mammal they're calling the olinguito. They've had 35 years to think about it, and the best name they could come up with is olinguito?
* After pleading no contest to mailing marijuana to his house in his dog's name, Cleveland Indians closer Chris Perez was ordered to speak to high-school students. Perez will give his inspirational "Just Say No To Mailing Marijuana To Your Dog" speech.
* A hot dog vendor at Detroit Tigers stadium has been fired for discouraging fans from using ketchup. Considering what fans pay for ballpark concession food, you should be able to put mayonnaise on the hot dog if you like.
* Aren't professional sports venues hostile enough without a hot-dog vendor chasing a fan through the stands shouting: "I said, no @#$% ketchup!"
* WNBA players Diana Taurasi and Seimone Augustus received double technicals for kissing. I call this a double standard mostly based on the fact that male players have been slapping each other on the butt 80 times a game for ages.
* The two WNBA players kissed and were called for double technicals. They finally come up with a way to increase TV ratings for the playoffs, and the league tries to squelch it.