Poet T.S. Eliot wrote “April is the cruelest month.” But most of our Bottom 10 would disagree and go with September.
1. Massachusetts (0-4): The Minutemen were idle, thus giving them two weeks to prepare for the loss to Bowling Green.
2. South Florida (0-4): The outmanned Bulls fell to Miami (Fla.) on Saturday 49-21. Last week, the Hurricanes annihilated Savannah State 77-7. If he were alive today, the Marquis de Sade would be a Miami fan.
3. Connecticut (0-4): UConn lost to Buffalo. Between the two of them, Connecticut and Massachusetts are damaging the image of New England football, if that’s possible.
4. Southern Mississippi (0-4): Southern Miss lost 60-7 at Boise State. Golden Eagle fans are as blue as the field the team played on.
5. Temple (0-4): The winless Owls lost to previously winless Idaho in the Bottom 10 game of the week.
6. Western Michigan (0-5): Despite Western Michigan’s sagging record, attendance has held so far. Which may be more indicative of a lack of things to do in Kalamazoo rather than fans having faith in the team.
7. New Mexico State (0-5): The Aggies try to escape national scrutiny by playing night games in the Pacific Time Zone. But the Bottom 10 is watching.
8. Hawaii (0-4): Hawaii lost to Fresno State at home Saturday night. Rainbow Warrior fans can take solace in the fact they live in Hawaii while Fresno State has to return to Fresno.
9. Georgia State (0-4): During the bye week, the Panthers plan to use the extra seven days to discuss what’s gone wrong. Which would actually take another 91 days.
10. San Jose State (1-3): “Do you know the way to San Jose?” If you’re a major university athletic director looking for an easy nonconference game, the answer is increasingly yes.
Others receiving votes: FIU, Louisiana Tech, Army, Miami (Ohio), detours, Too conservative Big Ten offenses, Floyd, mud runs, getting fired on the plane ride home, high school analysts who refer to a loss as “a tragedy,” Purdue, Akron.