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Brad's afternoon edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Due to a glitch, people were buying airline tickets on the United Airlines site for $0 late last week. You think you were frustrated before when the passenger next to you got a better fare. "I paid $689 for my ticket. You?" "Zero."
* Sunday night Miss New York won the Miss America Pageant. I believe her talent was spitting and flipping off the crowd.
* The Miss America Pageant talent competition is a lot like a college marching band, only with more baton-twirling.
* Sunday night Peyton Manning's Broncos defeated Eli Manning's Giants. I'm just glad the game is over so I don't have to hear a 75,000th reference to "Family Feud."
* LeBron James and his new bride are reportedly honeymooning at an undisclosed location. I think we can pretty much rule out Cleveland.
* Federal Reserve Chairman candidate Larry Summers withdrew his name from contention in a letter to President Obama. That's amazing. I mean, just the part about someone who still writes letters in 2013.
* Instead, Summers should have sent Obama an email consisting solely of a sad-faced emoticon.
* Summers will not be new Federal Reserve Chairman. American seniors are too busy reporting to the second jobs they had to take to make ends meet after the current chairman lowered their CD rates to 0.1 percent.
* Some members of Congress are critical of President Obama's chemical weapons deal with Syria and Russia. Because they're in Congress, they were hoping for a unilateral agreement that included a pay raise and longer summer recess for themselves.
* Michelle Obama has a new campaign urging Americans to drink more water. Congressional Democrats immediately asked: “Do martinis count?”
* A “major flub” has been detected in “The Wizard of Oz.” Now, who's the real idiot here? The filmmakers or the public? It took 11 billion showings before anyone noticed?
* An 88-year-old American won a World Table Tennis Championship. I say men's tennis is overrated; it's all about Senior Ping Pong. USA! USA!
* LeBron James has married his longtime girlfriend. This is interesting. When he dropped to one knee to propose, he was fined under tough new NBA flopping rules.
* The new Memorial Stadium turf in Lincoln is said to be like freshly mowed grass. I have an idea. In preparation for the next drought, let's cover the entire state with his stuff.
* In the wake of allegations of improper benefits, Tennessee defensive tackle Maurice Couch was declared ineligible for Saturday's game vs. Oregon. The good news is, he was suspended with pay.
* A Washington Redskins fan who lost a bet to his boss - an Eagles fan - had to eat part of his own beard. Even though this guy was eating his own beard, he was named Smartest Fan of the Week.