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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* Britain is refusing to back the U.S. in Syria. I hereby call for a federal law prohibiting Barbara Walters from airing any more three-hour specials on the royal baby.
* Did you notice the moment it was announced that Britain is not backing us in Syria, the royal baby suddenly seemed a lot less cute?
* Washington, D.C., is putting in a bid to host the 2024 Summer Olympics. D.C. is perfect to host track running events. The city is used to people going in circles and ending up where they started.
* Two circus clowns just got married at a clown convention in Pennsylvania. They want children and are looking forward to hearing the pitter patter of size 18 feet around the house.
* Two clowns got married at a clown convention in Pennsylvania. Two clowns fell in love. It's the same basic premise as “The Bachelorette.”
* The heat index at the Husker game was roughly equal to Southern Mississippi's position in the polls – about 120.
* The heat index at the Husker game was roughly equal to the average American credit score.
* Distance swimmer Diana Nyad, 64, swam from Cuba to Florida. Her accomplishment is very impressive. I know from watching Olympic swimming that she's roughly 52 years beyond the age that a typical women swimmer peaks.
* Nyad was met by her mother, who scolded her for not waiting an hour after eating to go in the water.