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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here for Brad's morning jokes.
* There was a top-secret meeting of the National Security Council on Friday to discuss Syria. It was so secret, afterward Edward Snowden briefed the media.
* It appears thus far that America's only ally regarding Syria is France. I have never felt so ungrounded in my life.
* So far, members of the U.S. Congress appear unwilling to end their five-week recess early to return to Washington, D.C., to deal with Syria. In the next approval polls, Congress may well be in negative numbers.
* The U.S. Justice Department will not challenge Colorado marijuana laws. Colorado Buffalo football fans may want to celebrate now.
* Fox News host Gretchen Carlson twerked on-air to Vanilla Ice's song "Ice Ice Baby." This sounds like some sort of revenge on the country for electing a Democrat president.
* Some schools in Iowa closed due to the heat. I'm proud to say I live in Omaha, where with the short summer-vacation schedule, kids are acclimated to attending school when it's 100 degrees.
* Ohio State is favored by five touchdowns against Buffalo. I know what you're thinking -- sounds low.
* It would be seven touchdowns, but several key Buckeyes are having trouble making bail.
* The latest ACT results indicate recent high-school graduates lack in English skills. After hearing this, the typical grad tweeted something like: “How cn this be? I studied 4 2 hrs 2-day.”
* Fast-food workers in at least 60 cities have been on strike. Emergency Red Cross stations were set up so doctors could administer Americans Big Macs intravenously.
* Coach Bo Pelini’s office is being remodeled. The university is caulking the hole where Pelini bangs his head after disappointing practices.
* Robert Griffin III was fined $10,000 for wearing “unauthorized apparel” -- a T-shirt that read "Operation Patience." If he ends up with a harsher punishment than Aaron Hernandez, I may be done with the NFL.
* The new NFL touchdown celebration trend is for a player to pretend he’s been tasered. What better way to distract the viewing public from all the trouble NFL players have gotten into?
* Football is having trouble taking off in Russia. Every time offensive players hold hands in the huddle, the Russian government imprisons them.