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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Over the weekend, more than 4,000 people showed up at the Masochists Convention at the CenturyLink Center, aka “American Idol” auditions.
* “American Idol” auditions were held in at the CenturyLink Center on Sunday. People auditioning for “Idol” are regularly humiliated, embarrassed and sometimes publicly ridiculed. So it's a lot like running for mayor of Omaha.
* Nebraska's conservative GOP Sen. Deb Fischer has earned the nickname “Hammer” in Washington. I believe that would make President Obama's nickname “Nail.”
* Joe Biden is coming to Iowa in September. Biden's mission is twofold. He wants to attend Sen. Tom Harkin's steak fry and also to congratulate Gov. Terry Branstad on his new land speed record.
* The new hit movie “Elysium” takes place 140 years into the future. It's so far into the future the Obama family vacation is winding down.
* The Obamas have a slightly smaller, less ostentatious vacation house this time. This, after the royal family refused to vacate Buckingham Palace for a week.
* Early Saturday, before beginning his vacation, President Obama was in Orlando not too far from Disney World. The schedule called for the president to drop by Fantasyland to discuss how he's going to pay for Obamacare.
* Right now, Congress is on vacation, the president is on vacation ... who's screwing up the country?
* Russian President Vladimir Putin smiled for the cameras with a 45-pound fish he caught. To prove we may be entering a new Cold War era, President Obama's goal on vacation: Catch a 46-pound fish.
* The Obama vacation house has a gymnasium, infinity pool, pond and ocean views. President Obama is slightly upset. Every time he hears “infinity pool” it reminds him of how long it takes the current Congress to pass a bill.
* The Obamas are staying at a $7.6 million Martha's Vineyard house with a gym, a pond and ocean views. In contrast, Vice President Joe Biden will be vacationing at a Fargo Howard Johnson.
* A resort near Disney World was evacuated because the resort is sinking. After learning of this, Disney officials immediately declared it “Sink Hole Land” and began charging $79 admission.
* As many as five flights were delayed over the weekend at Kansas City International Airport due to an infestation of spiders in the control tower. To make sure the spiders are never seen again, Kansas City International Airport has declared them suitcases and checked them as luggage.
* The new Matt Damon movie “Elysium” takes place nearly 150 years into the future. And I have some bad news for Chicago Cubs fans ...
* There was a big to-do on "Jeopardy!" when Alex Trebek ruled that a 12-year-old boy's answer in Final Jeopardy was incorrect because the kid misspelled “emancipation proclamation.” I believe the category was “nitpicking.”