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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Mayor Jean Stothert is ready to lay off firefighters and idle fire trucks, which could lead to a court fight. I was bracing for this ever since Stothert uttered those fateful words, "I'm running for mayor."
* Stothert's home valuation has increased $34,800 for tax purposes. There is zero truth to the rumor that after the assessment, the tax appraiser was seen high-fiving the fire chief.
* The Henry Doorly Zoo & Aquarium has a new attraction: Casper the echidna. An echidna wedges itself between rocks when it anticipates trouble. Today, Casper got his first look at the city budget, and we probably won't see him again until late March.
* Due to federal sequester cuts, Nebraska's National Guard has been hit with furloughs. In event of disaster, the governor will be calling out the Salvation Army.
* According to a new ranking by a trade association, Nebraska is No. 8 in the country for beer consumption. Texas is No. 9. OK, Husker fans, we finally beat Texas.
* A lock of Mick Jagger's hair sold at auction for $6,000. Desperate to solve Omaha's budget woes, city officials are now combing the floor of the CenturyLink Center for Justin Bieber hair.
* Nebraska highways scored well in an annual report, which, I'm guessing, placed a priority on number of orange traffic cones per square inch.
* A woman in Toledo, Ohio, is OK after crashing her car into a 20-foot sinkhole. In Omaha, we'd call that an "average-sized pothole."
* Ex-N.Y. Gov. Eliot Spitzer is running for New York City comptroller. He was caught in a prostitution scandal and hosted a show on CNN. At this point, it's difficult to ascertain which will hurt him more.
* Between Spitzer and mayoral hopeful Anthony Weiner, 70 percent of candidates for office in New York City have the word "disgraced" in front of their names.
* Because the U.S. Senate has been unable to reach a compromise on stalled Obama appointees, Sen. Harry Reid's edging closer to invoking the "nuclear option." You know acrimony in Washington has reached a new low when one of the alternatives includes use of the word "nuclear."
* While visiting the White House on Monday, former president George H.W. Bush gave President Obama a pair of socks. That may not sound like much, but it's the nicest thing a member of one party has done for a member of the opposition in four years.
* According to an upcoming book, N.J. Gov. Chris Christie was so enraged before his GOP convention speech last summer, he threatened to drop an "F-bomb" live on-air. Well, that would be one way to wake the crowd after John Boehner's speech.
* It's now reported the IRS targeted liberals and conservatives. That means the only person who's safe from scrutiny is someone who's not a liberal or conservative. Good news for Mitt Romney.
* According to a report, IRS credit cards were used to purchase wine and pornography. Congressional Democrats said: "See? We told you the money wasn't wasted."
* Wine and pornography. Next time you're audited, bring your receipts, some Morgan David and lots of porn for the auditor.