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This is Brad's morning edition. Come back for more jokes this afternoon.
* Over the weekend, the historic Lincoln Highway east of Elkhorn celebrated its 100th birthday. This is in contrast to other streets around Omaha that only look like they’re 100 years old.
* The celebration featured a 1907 Ford, a 1955 Packard and a 1966 Cadillac. I saw this on the news and at first assumed it was a group of citizens welcoming Edward Snowden to Cuba.
* I’d like to thank the 74,000 people who showed up for our inaugural Friday evening Prancersize class in Memorial Park.
* Pat Benatar headlined the Bank of the West Celebrates America concert in Memorial Park on Friday. The highlight was when Benatar dedicated “Love Is A Battlefield” to Mayor Stothert and the fire chief.
* Omaha fourth-grader Bence Brown won a healthy recipe contest and gets to travel to the White House to eat lunch. Because it’s a group of mostly grammar school kids, the White House is only charging them $1,000 per plate.
* Bence won for his healthy tuna casserole recipe. No word if the White House could ban him once they learn he hails from the city that came up with the Midwestern Monster for the CWS.
* During a Rolling Stones’ Washington D.C. concert, Mick Jagger “took a verbal jab” at President Obama. This was the second time Jagger criticized a sitting U.S. president. The first was during the Stones’ maiden farewell tour, when Jagger lashed out at Millard Fillmore.
* It feels rather strange to have a rebellious rock star criticize the president, and then you realize that the rebellious rock star is 18 years older than the president.
* Obama was dissed by a celebrity. This hurts Obama a lot more than if one of our allies broke off relations.
* Obama is wrapping up a brief trip to Africa. Sure, it’s brief. How long can Obama realistically last on a continent that doesn’t get “Entertainment Tonight”?
* President Obama is reportedly “downplaying” attempts to get Edward Snowden. That’s the new political strategy when something isn’t going well. I guess Obama's also downplaying his job-creation plan, and Republicans plan to downplay the 2016 presidential election if Hillary Clinton enters.
* Now there’s an allegation that the U.S. spied on members of the European Union to learn Europe’s biggest secret: how people manage to turn around in those tiny little European public toilets.
* Russian President Vladimir Putin is accused of aiding and abetting Edward Snowden when Snowden touched down in Moscow. To add insult to injury, Snowden was seen wearing the Super Bowl ring Putin pilfered from the Patriots’ owner.
* According to a new survey, roughly half of Americans think the White House was behind the IRS targeting conservatives scandal. Because it was a survey of Americans, the other half think it was zombies.
* A newspaper in Virginia, the Fauquier Times-Democrat, is removing “Democrat” from its name due to the politically contentious times in which we live. CNN told 'em, “So long as you’re not using ‘Democrat,’ can we ... ?”
* According to a J.D. Power survey, the lowest quality vehicle is a Ford C-Max crossover hybrid. During tests, the crash test dummies had to get out and push.
* It was supposed to get up to 128 degrees in Death Valley but only got up to 124. Do you suppose people sit around Death Valley complaining about the missed forecast? “If I’d known it was only going to be 124, I would’ve brought a sweater.”
* Walmart has dropped Paula Deen. In a way, it’s a shame. Between Jaclyn Smith’s Kmart line, the Kardashians’ line at Sears and Paula Deen products at Walmart, Deen is the only one I could actually see walking into the store she represents.
* People in California are being advised not to play with sick squirrels. If you live near Disneyland, the beach, the mountains or Hollywood and your Fourth of July weekend schedule calls for playing with sick squirrels, catching some germs is not your biggest problem.
* Squirrels like Californians. They’re just a different form of nut.