* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* There are new signs around TD Ameritrade Park warning of arrest and a fine for any CWS fans that run on the field. Because of Omaha's budget deficit, the fine is $825,000.
* Douglas County has a new official seal. I believe it's an orange traffic cone over a huge pothole.
* According to a report, declining trade winds have increased the humidity in Hawaii. I think I speak for all Nebraskans when I ask, who can live in a climate like that?
* This is the 25th year the peregrine falcons have nested atop the Woodmen Tower. And it's the fourth year the falcons have shouted, "Turn that stupid camera off already!"
* Mayor Jean Stothert's new ride is a 2013 Ford Fusion Energi hybrid. I was pretty sure she wasn't going to be driving a fire truck.
* A new coffee shop in Omaha is "dog-friendly." This sounded like a good idea until I pictured a pit bull with a caffeine rush.
* An Ashland City Council member was ticketed for theft for supposedly rigging his water meter to pay less for water to fill his swimming pool. The Sutton police chief fined for buying too much snack food said, "well, that's dumb."
* This is interesting. In a desperate attempt to stay in the limelight, NSA leaker Edward Snowden is promising to reveal the ingredients in McDonald's secret sauce.
* It's getting crazy. Snowden planning to hold a press conference to reveal the end of the next "Superman" movie.
* Supposedly he's also prepared to reveal our biggest secret -- what brand of spray-on tan that John Boehner uses.
* Former Miss America Heather French Henry may challenge Mitch McConnell in the Kentucky U.S. Senate race. Since there's no talent involved whatsoever, it'd be even more appropriate for a former Miss USA to run for the House.
* Bill Clinton will be paid $500,000 for a 45-minute speech at an event honoring Israel President Shimon Peres. It's unclear why Clinton is giving them a discount.
* According to a poll, Americans want more out of Congress. Apparently we're now demanding that our elected representatives be able to chew gum and walk at the same time.
* It's reported that Amanda Bynes now has a dog. Let's hope it's not a retriever. That would mean next time she allegedly throws a bong out a window, the dog could bring it back.