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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here for his morning jokes.
* Gas prices are expected to fall over the holiday weekend, which is, of course, the third sign of the apocalypse.
* Former Husker offensive tackle Fred Pollack, who played for NU from '94 to '97, has joined the Omaha Fire Department. Being an Omaha firefighter isn't that different from playing for the Huskers. Instead of hating Texas, you loathe Jean Stothert.
* A woman 'in a stylish, green dress' robbed a bank in Stuart, Iowa. The pressing question: Is a bank robber eligible to receive the "Best Dressed Person In Stuart" award?
* President Obama's heckler on Thursday got into the event with a press pass. The surprising thing is that Obama was heckled by someone holding a press pass, and it was not a Fox News reporter.
* According to researchers at the University of Amsterdam, the average I.Q. has dropped 14 points since the Victorian Era. That helps explain the popularity of "Wipe Out!"
* This week in new movies: "Hangover III: Who Needs A Plot?" has opened.
* Disgraced former congressman Anthony Weiner announced he is running for mayor of New York City in a late-night video. This had two of the three essential elements to be a bad porn movie.
* Weiner has rejoined Twitter. Sure, what could possibly go wrong here?
* Tampa Bay Rays pitcher Matt Moore is inviting comparisons to Babe Ruth. Actually, Moore's accomplishments aren't as impressive -- he achieved them sober.
* At a Chicago Cubs game, a woman dumped beer all over her husband after he accidentally spilled beer on her trying to catch a ball hit into the stands. It's this kind of thing that hurts the Cubs' performance. The manager says: "Go out and win for the fans." "But, Coach, those people ..." "I know, I know."
* The NCAA has banned the painting of Twitter hashtags on football fields. This means Auburn has to get rid of its #WhoWantsToBeAMillionaire logo.