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* Today is Election Day in Omaha. Due to the possibility of low turnout, buttons will be issued reading “I thought about voting.”
* Welcome to Omaha, where we have to drive for miles to find a polling place, but come June there will be a fireworks stand on every corner.
* When deciding whether to register to vote, Omahans ask themselves that all-important question: “Is this where they get the list of people to call for jury duty?”
* It's expected to get up to 90 degrees in Omaha on Tuesday. An informal Mayor Jim Suttle wore a two-piece suit to vote.
* It's so hot that I saw a mirage – a TV commercial that wasn't paid for by the Stothert for Mayor campaign.
* The onslaught of Jean Stothert TV ads continued until the end. Blake Griffin told Stothert: “You're in too many commercials.”
* The Omaha polls open at 8 a.m. and close at 8 p.m. And at 6 a.m. Wednesday, regardless of who wins, the first recall petitions begin circulating.
* A number of Haagen-Dazs stores are offering free ice cream on Tuesday. Isn't it tough enough to get Omahans to vote without this sort of competition?
* Have you heard Mayor Suttle's radio ad where the two women have no idea who to vote for, but decide to vote for Suttle because Warren Buffett is supporting him? This should be effective in winning the "human sheep vote."
* President Obama just raised $3 million for the Democratic National Committee. In keeping with the recent trend, the IRS say the liberals owe only $2 in tax.
* Congress is investigating the IRS. The U.S. Congress vs. the IRS. Who do you root for here?
* Barbara Walters announced her retirement after 37 years at ABC. You know what “60 Minutes" correspondents call that? “Early retirement.”
* Millions of people turned out to vote in the election for prime minister of Pakistan, many waving flags, honking horns and chanting slogans of their party. Of course, this is eerily similar to the passion we all feel for the OPS board race.
* Nebraska is ranked as the ninth-best state to retire in. I believe the survey was conducted by the National Association of People Who Have Never Paid Property Taxes in Nebraska.
* When it comes to the IRS targeting of certain groups like the Tea Party, President Obama said: “I have no patience with it, I will not tolerate it.” I haven't seen Obama so passionate about anything since he turned in his NCAA tournament bracket.
* Maine Republican Sen. Susan Collins said the IRS Tea Party revelations may fuel government mistrust. It's about 200 years too late to worry about that.
* The IRS targeted the tea party due to its conservative nature and defiance of the White House. IRS officials will have no comment until they're done auditing John Boehner's last 17 years of returns.
* Prince Harry toured the U.S. Capitol. He wanted to meet some incumbent members of Congress; he's never seen anyone with a greater sense of entitlement than the royal family.
* President Obama dropped by a fundraiser in New York City attended by Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel. Or, as Obama referred to them: “The last two celebrities in the world I had yet to meet.”
* According to reports, Joe Biden is already campaigning for president. Apparently Biden told Obama: “Barack, I can't be walking Bo any more. It doesn't look presidential.”
* President Obama's message to Republicans: “Help me help you.” At this point I may have gone with “Give peace a chance.”
* O.J. Simpson was back in court seeking a new trial. Someone needs to tell Simpson that court cases are not the NBA playoffs – it's not best of seven.
* A man completed a 4,000 mile journey in a canoe, ending up in Key West, Fla. Oddly, he had a ticket to make the trip on a Carnival cruise but accommodations were better in the canoe.
* Dwight Howard is expecting his fifth child. The adorable ultrasound photos show the little baby tanking a free throw.
* A 65-year-old Ohio State fan was pulled over in Tennessee when an officer mistook her Buckeye sticker for a marijuana leaf. She said it's a good thing you could never go to prison for having a Buckeye sticker on your car. Unless of course you're driving through Michigan.
* Notre Dame is considering expanding its football stadium. They need the extra seats to accommodate their recruits' imaginary girlfriends.
* The Chicago White Sox one-hit the Angels, who are off to the worst start in franchise history. It's not that impressive – the Angels mustered only two hits during batting practice.
* The Chicago Cubs want to undertake a $500 million Wrigley Field renovation. The goal: Make the Cubs competitive in the postseason. Compared to that, putting a man in Pluto doesn't seem so far-fetched.