Breaking Brad: Berkshire shareholders arrive via toboggan - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, May 2, 2013 at 11:30 am / Updated at 12:15 pm
Breaking Brad: Berkshire shareholders arrive via toboggan

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Thousands of Berkshire shareholders are descending on Omaha. This year, they're arriving by plane, train, automobile and toboggan.

* Jean Stothert is pledging to cut her own salary if elected mayor. I wouldn't say a politician offering to reduce their own pay is rare, but at the press conference, the first three questions were asked by a reporter from "Ripley's Believe It Or Not."

* The Council Bluffs "teen mom" reportedly sold a porn video for a seven-figure sum. When Council Bluffs officials held that program to teach entrepreneurship to youth, I'm not sure this is what the city had in mind.

* On May 1, Omaha experienced rain, snow, sleet, ice and wind. And this was one of the nicest May Days on record.

* You know the old adages -- "April showers bring May flowers" and "May snow brings a June exodus from the state of Nebraska."

* Due to bad weather, two scheduled Omaha road closings for repairs have been delayed. I thought that pretty much required a locust invasion.

* The National Weather Service has new, easy-to-understand bulletins for severe storms. For example, if hail is moving into the area, the service shows a drawing of an All State rep inspecting your roof.

* An article ranks the "10 Most Relaxing Drives in the U.S." Omaha-to-Lincoln did not make the list. However, due to all the orange traffic cones typically lining the route, it did make "Best Slalom."

* In London, a Uruguay soccer star was fined for biting an opponent. Of course in Omaha, when someone bites an opponent, it's known as a "primary mayoral forum."

* President Obama is embarking on a three-day trip to Mexico. Because it's Obama, he will be holding a "10,000 peso-per-plate" Democratic fundraising dinner.

* According to a poll of Democrats on the 2016 presidential race, Hillary Clinton has the support of 63 percent of likely voters; Joe Biden has the support of 12 percent. If this was a boxing match, the referee would be stopping it already.

* President Obama is now 100 days into his second term. He's a little frustrated, but is finally coming to terms with the fact that there are not enough hours in the day to meet every celebrity he wants to meet.

* Obama has nominated a new secretary of transportation. It's sort of like being Omaha parking manager, only less stressful.

* This is the time of year when President Obama gives a lot of commencement addresses. I just spoke to a group of liberal arts college grads myself -- I stopped at McDonald's and placed an order.

* The value of the White House soared during Obama's first term, from $275.6 million to about $294.9 million. Apparently having Joe Biden build that gazebo paid off.

* Former CIA Chief David Petraeus has accepted a job as a New York City college professor. This is potentially a student's worst nightmare. "The dog ate my homework." "Really, Mr. Johnson? We've had you under surveillance, and you don't even own a dog."

* Imagine trying to cheat in a class taught by the former CIA chief? "The North Koreans couldn't fool me, and neither can you, Miss Smith."

* In Washington state, same-sex marriage and legalized marijuana became formally legal on the same day. The highways were clogged with bumper-to-bumper traffic from members of the tea party evacuating the state.

* There's a new invention on the market -- vibrating underwear. No wonder Bill Clinton was all smiles at the opening of the George W. Bush Library.

* The Detroit airport was briefly evacuated after something 'suspicious' was observed. I believe it was an American Airlines flight that was on schedule.

* It also could have been an airport gift shop item that was marked up less than 50 percent.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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