Breaking Brad: Berkshire shareholders arrive via toboggan -
Published Thursday, May 2, 2013 at 11:30 am / Updated at 12:15 pm
Breaking Brad: Berkshire shareholders arrive via toboggan

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Thousands of Berkshire shareholders are descending on Omaha. This year, they're arriving by plane, train, automobile and toboggan.

* Jean Stothert is pledging to cut her own salary if elected mayor. I wouldn't say a politician offering to reduce their own pay is rare, but at the press conference, the first three questions were asked by a reporter from "Ripley's Believe It Or Not."

* The Council Bluffs "teen mom" reportedly sold a porn video for a seven-figure sum. When Council Bluffs officials held that program to teach entrepreneurship to youth, I'm not sure this is what the city had in mind.

* On May 1, Omaha experienced rain, snow, sleet, ice and wind. And this was one of the nicest May Days on record.

* You know the old adages -- "April showers bring May flowers" and "May snow brings a June exodus from the state of Nebraska."

* Due to bad weather, two scheduled Omaha road closings for repairs have been delayed. I thought that pretty much required a locust invasion.

* The National Weather Service has new, easy-to-understand bulletins for severe storms. For example, if hail is moving into the area, the service shows a drawing of an All State rep inspecting your roof.

* An article ranks the "10 Most Relaxing Drives in the U.S." Omaha-to-Lincoln did not make the list. However, due to all the orange traffic cones typically lining the route, it did make "Best Slalom."

* In London, a Uruguay soccer star was fined for biting an opponent. Of course in Omaha, when someone bites an opponent, it's known as a "primary mayoral forum."

* President Obama is embarking on a three-day trip to Mexico. Because it's Obama, he will be holding a "10,000 peso-per-plate" Democratic fundraising dinner.

* According to a poll of Democrats on the 2016 presidential race, Hillary Clinton has the support of 63 percent of likely voters; Joe Biden has the support of 12 percent. If this was a boxing match, the referee would be stopping it already.

* President Obama is now 100 days into his second term. He's a little frustrated, but is finally coming to terms with the fact that there are not enough hours in the day to meet every celebrity he wants to meet.

* Obama has nominated a new secretary of transportation. It's sort of like being Omaha parking manager, only less stressful.

* This is the time of year when President Obama gives a lot of commencement addresses. I just spoke to a group of liberal arts college grads myself -- I stopped at McDonald's and placed an order.

* The value of the White House soared during Obama's first term, from $275.6 million to about $294.9 million. Apparently having Joe Biden build that gazebo paid off.

* Former CIA Chief David Petraeus has accepted a job as a New York City college professor. This is potentially a student's worst nightmare. "The dog ate my homework." "Really, Mr. Johnson? We've had you under surveillance, and you don't even own a dog."

* Imagine trying to cheat in a class taught by the former CIA chief? "The North Koreans couldn't fool me, and neither can you, Miss Smith."

* In Washington state, same-sex marriage and legalized marijuana became formally legal on the same day. The highways were clogged with bumper-to-bumper traffic from members of the tea party evacuating the state.

* There's a new invention on the market -- vibrating underwear. No wonder Bill Clinton was all smiles at the opening of the George W. Bush Library.

* The Detroit airport was briefly evacuated after something 'suspicious' was observed. I believe it was an American Airlines flight that was on schedule.

* It also could have been an airport gift shop item that was marked up less than 50 percent.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
Omaha police arrest man, 19, accused in March shooting
Earth gets its day in the sun at Elmwood Park
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
Keystone XL pipeline backers blast 'political expediency' as foes hail ruling to delay decision
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