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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* The UNL student union is getting a face-lift. The Nebraska Board of Regents has a plan to come up with the revenue by eliminating all books from UNO.
* The student union is getting a face-lift because this will give Chancellor Harvey Perlman another excuse to raise tuition -- I mean, it will provide UNL with an architectural facade all Nebraskans can be proud of.
* Nebraska has added a new, official noxious weed, bringing our total to 12. This is interesting. In approval polls, the new Nebraska noxious weed is three points ahead of the state Legislature.
* May Day is a huge holiday in Russia. This is the time of year that the Russian potato stores offer gift-wrapping.
* Earlier this week, President Obama nominated a new transportation secretary. This is the second most important job in transportation next to being the Omaha Bike Czar.
* Of course Anthony Foxx, the nominee for transportation secretary, couldn't be there when he was nominated. Due to lingering effects of the air traffic controller furloughs, he was stuck in the Dayton airport.
* The White House has joined the text- and video-sharing service Tumblr. So while we may never get a solid job-creation plan from the current administration, we can look forward to thousands of Obama vacation videos on Tumblr.
* You know the video I'd most like to see on the White House Tumblr account? The one of the president and John Boehner shaking hands and announcing the end of sequestration.
* President Obama will unveil a 'mapping' that reveals the innermost workings of the human brain. That seems a little ambitious. At this point I'd be happy if the White House and Congress could agree on what brand of stapler should go in the Pentagon.
* The disgraced Anthony Weiner has rejoined Twitter. Things have gone downhill so fast since his scandal two years ago, Weiner is now considered the most dignified man in politics.
* Dennis Rodman told national media he's being considered for a role as an FBI informant. I think the first thing the FBI looks for is a guy who won't tell the national media he's being considered for a role as an informant.
* The U.S. government is suing Lance Armstrong for an estimated $40 million over the money the U.S. Postal Service spent on his team. To put it in perspective, should the government prevail in its lawsuit, that's so much money it'll take the post office up to 11 minutes to blow it.
* The good news about Lance Armstrong in court is it should take only about a minute to find a jury of his peers -- 12 other bicyclists who cheated.
* There is a threatened nationwide fast-food workers' strike. You think the air traffic controllers' furlough threatened to shutdown America?
* I can see the president intervening in a fast-food workers' strike. "For the good of this great nation, with the Founding Fathers gazing down upon me, I hereby sign this decree ordering the French fry guys and the drive-through workers back to work. God bless America."
* According to a new study, companies led by CEOs with deep voices tend to perform better in the stock market. In a related story, Apple announced plans to jettison Tim Cook and replace him with James Earl Jones.
* On Tuesday, CNN announced a new morning program called "New Day." According to CNN researchers, that's the name that will confuse the most viewers into thinking they're watching the "Today Show."
* Second choice was "Good Morn, America."
* Considering CNN's recent level of accuracy, I look for the morning show to air about 2 p.m.