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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* At the Berkshire Hathaway shareholders' meeting on Saturday, Warren Buffett will talk for the entire day. He’s sort of like Sen. Rand Paul with a point.
* I love the Berkshire shareholders' meeting. It’s your only opportunity to see people worth $20 million elbowing their way to the front so they can get 10 percent off a Dilly Bar.
* On Sunday, the inaugural Berkshire 5K race will be held. I think it’ll just be nice to see a road race in Omaha where competitors aren’t covered with paint, drenched in dye, swathed in mud or dressed as cheeseburgers.
* A lane of West Maple Road is closed for the next two weeks. A quick translation: In Omaha road work terms, “two weeks” means “infinity.”
* Laura Bush gave CNN a tour of the new George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum. Of course because it’s CNN, it was misidentified as the Herbert Hoover Library and Museum.
* Reportedly Sen. Marco Rubio’s immigration plan has failed to impress Rush Limbaugh. Oh, no, what chance does it have when the plan is not supported by the head of the Republican Party?
* Let’s face it: Any plan that doesn’t call for returning illegal immigrants to their homeland via catapult is not going to be supported by Rush Limbaugh.
* In a desperate, new attempt to win over Limbaugh, Rubio is reworking the plan to include deporting Alec Baldwin.
* Jay-Z is selling his stake in the Brooklyn Nets. After spending all day at the White House, the last thing Jay-Z wants to see at night is more basketball.
* The president of Cyprus is threatening to resign. If he does Newt Gingrich announced, “I’m available.”
* Mark Zuckerberg has slashed his Facebook salary to $1. You think that’s something -- his clothing allowance is 59 cents.
* Some people in Great Britain are betting their life savings on what the royal couple will name their baby. I have never been more grateful that we won our independence from that country.
* A man in Minnesota was arrested outside a hardware store for allegedly stealing free samples. I’m not sure what you’d call this guy, but we can rule out “mastermind.”
* Thousands of Americans have signed petitions urging Verizon to abandon its contracts. I’d be happy to get my Verizon contract reduced to a shorter duration because it now reads “Until pigs fly.”
* Virgin Airlines is introducing a new policy that purportedly facilitates flirting between passengers. Great. You know that hairy guy who boards the cross country flight in the tank top, cut off shorts and thongs? Now he’s going to be flirting.
* There’s a new thing on the market -- vibrating underwear. OK, I guess the inventor of the French fry potholder will feel like only the second dumbest guy at the inventor’s convention.
* There is a video on the internet of a 10-month-old baby doing pull-ups on a desk. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that this kid wasn’t around during my sixth-grade gym class.