* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* It is Primary Day in Omaha, which has only slightly less relevance to the average Omahan than Groundhog Day.
* Tuesday is Election Day, aka “Thank God the mayoral forums are finally over” Day.
* A record $2 million was spent in the mayoral race, most of it for advertising. The All State Guy told the candidates: “You're on TV too much.”
* Of course the Omaha mayoral race is, cough cough, nonpartisan, wink, cough, wink-wink.
* We just had Easter egg hunts; today, we have something similar called Try and Find Your Polling Place.
* I'd like to clarify a misunderstanding. It is not a hilarious April Fools joke; there really are 39 candidates for OPS Board.
* Election officials are again emphasizing that Rock-Paper-Scissors is not an acceptable method for choosing which City Council candidate you vote for.
* Douglas County Election Commissioner Dave Phipps predicted an 18-percent turnout. The return line outside the Humane Society with people bringing back bunnies they got the week before Easter will be longer.
* Oftentimes, these Omaha primaries have such poor turnouts that polling places are mistaken for the Kearney Arch.
* Experts advise voters looking for their assigned polling place to carry plenty of water in their vehicle and a week's supply of food.
* A member of the Socialist Workers Party, Maura DeLuca, is running for mayor. If this means everyone in town chips in to pay my property taxes, she's got my vote.
* Scientists have pegged the exact age of the universe. It is 13.8 billion years old -- 80 million years older than previously believed. This after somebody realized there was roadwork in Omaha that has been ongoing for 13.8 billion years.
* The White House Easter Egg Roll was held Monday. President Obama told the kids that while they're looking for eggs to keep any eye out for his birth certificate.
* This is embarrassing. Media arrived at the White House Easter Egg Roll a couple hours early and caught Joe Biden going over the South lawn with a weed-whacker.
* Perhaps the low point of the White House Easter Egg Roll was when Paul Ryan showed up and called it “An unnecessary egg-titlement program.”