Breaking Brad: Is Joy Behar joining the Obama administration? - Omaha.com
Published Friday, March 8, 2013 at 10:30 am / Updated at 11:13 am
Breaking Brad: Is Joy Behar joining the Obama administration?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Members of Denmark's parliament were in Omaha this week to observe. Now, they plan to return home and implement what they've learned -- to create a nation with high taxes, questionable snow removal and motorists who tailgate at 70 mph.

* This weekend, an asteroid will pass within 600,000 miles of earth. To put it in perspective, 600,000 miles is how far Creighton will have to travel on its average road trip if the Jays join the Catholic 7.

* There are 39 candidates for the OPS Board. You combine this with the number of Omaha mayoral candidates, and everyone in town is pretty much running for something.

* The Kearney Archway western history museum filed for bankruptcy. In terms of popularity of Great Plains tourist attractions, it ranks just between the World's Largest Ball of Twine in Cawker City, Kan., and the Omaha Waste Management tour.

* Some say boosters oversold its appeal as a tourist attraction. I have to agree that the “Disney World of central Nebraska” may have been an oversell.

* We're about to lose an hour of sleep when daylight saving time kicks in. Why can't we lose that hour earlier in the evening, say when Piers Morgan is on?

* Why do we have to lose an hour of sleep when daylight saving time kicks in? Why can't we save that hour and instead lose it during Rand Paul's next filibuster?

* Considering the performance of the U.S. Congress in 2013, maybe instead we can spring forward and just hold the next election now.

* Sen. Rand Paul is reportedly considering running for president in 2016. The worst thing about a Rand Paul presidency would be the 13-hour State of the Union addresses.

* In his filibuster of CIA director nominee John Brennan, Sen. Rand Paul talked nonstop for about 13 hours. Normally the only time you see someone talk nonstop for 13 hours on Capitol Hill is when Bill Clinton is giving a speech.

* Only a few days after Dennis Rodman visited on a diplomatic mission, North Korean leaders are threatening to attack the U.S. … yeah, that sounds about right.

* Joy Behar is leaving “The View” after 16 years. Considering how often the Obamas have appeared on that show, I think she's leaving to accept a Cabinet position.

* President Obama's nominee for energy chief is MIT physicist Ernest Moniz, who has been described as “always the smartest guy in the room.” These days, I think Iran's monkey in space could qualify as the smartest guy in the room on Capitol Hill.

* In two weeks, President Obama is making a historic trip to Israel. To make Obama feel at home, Israel is being modeled to resemble the set of a daytime TV show.

* Michelle Obama said the pressures of the job didn't give her husband gray hair -- fatherhood did. Right now, every dad in the country with a daughter entering her teenage years is saying, “Amen to that.”

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Primary battle between Battiato, Morrissey may be only race
UNMC appoints new dean for the college of dentistry
Jeff Corwin hopes to build connection with nature at Nebraska Science Festival
Metro transit recommends streetcar, rapid-transit bus line for Omaha
6-mile stretch of Highway 75 is the road not taken
After decades looking in, Republican Dan Frei seeks chance to take action
Cause of Omaha power outage along Regency Parkway unclear
Ben Sasse, Shane Osborn try to pin label of D.C. insider on each other
Curious about government salaries? Look no further
Easter Sunday temperatures climb into 80s in Omaha area
Omaha police investigate two nonfatal shootings
City Council to vote on adding Bluffs pedestrian safety lights
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Midlands runners ready for Boston Marathon
Families from area shelters treated to meal at Old Chicago
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
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