Breaking Brad: Mullets back in style ... OK, maybe not - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, February 27, 2013 at 9:45 am / Updated at 9:45 am
Breaking Brad: Mullets back in style ... OK, maybe not

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* On Tuesday, a Nebraska man appeared on the “Rachael Ray Show,” where he was convinced to finally shave off the mullet he’s had for 30 years. The headline I would’ve loved to have seen this morning: “Mullets Back in Style.”

* Also on Tuesday, Nebraska native Chuck Hagel was confirmed as secretary of defense. Of the two, mullet guy was the bigger local story, and if you didn’t guess that, you haven’t been following local news for long.

* Unless Congress acts quickly and decisively, $85 billion in automatic spending cuts go into effect Friday … OK, so that means $85 billion in automatic spending cuts will definitely go into effect Friday.

* When the $85 billion federal sequester cuts kick in on Friday, some Medicare recipients will lose treatment, food programs will be curtailed, and with the cuts to education, the OPS Board may be rendered basically impotent … OK, so there’s a silver lining.

* Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood has been making the media rounds talking about how if the sequester cuts kick in Friday, it will mean furloughed air traffic controllers. Might it be a better idea to start with furloughing the guy who stamps your license at the DMV?

* LaHood claims if sequester cuts kick in, a number of air traffic controllers will be furloughed. There’s no worse feeling than for a pilot to call the tower and get an “out of office” voicemail message.

* Ahead of the spending cuts, the government already released hundreds of illegal immigrant detainees. This is what’s called “goading the Republicans.” Next, I look for the White House to say, “Oops, with those looming cuts, guess we’ll have to raise taxes on the wealthy, reduce the military, increase welfare and encourage young Americans to have premarital sex.”

* New Secretary of State John Kerry told students in Germany that, in America, “you have a right to be stupid if you want to be.” Actually, if I’m not mistaken, freedom of speech is currently our second most cherished freedom, with the right to be stupid number one.

* Kerry said Americans have a right to be stupid. As a long-term member of the U.S. Congress, he knows better than anyone.

* In the past couple of weeks, Michelle Obama has appeared on the “Rachael Ray Show,” Jimmy Fallon’s show and presented an award at the Oscars. At this rate, by late summer, we should see a new pilot called “Michelle and Hoda.”

* To give you an idea how often Michelle Obama appears on television entertainment shows, rumor has it her Secret Service code name is “Regis.”

* Michelle Obama kicked off a new campaign to identity healthy and non-healthy recipes. Healthy recipes will be identified by the MyPlate drawing, and non-healthy recipes by a photo of Chris Christie inside a red circle with a line through it.

* Hillary Clinton is reportedly writing another memoir. I’d be more impressed if this doesn’t mean that, in number of memoirs, she’s now tied with Levi Johnston.

* According to Reuters, Joe Biden is now viewed as Obama’s “Mr. Fix-it.” This means one of two things: either Biden is stepping in to repair policy mishaps, or he’s the go-to guy for White House plumbing problems.

* Magic Johnson visited President Obama at the White House to discuss policy. Obama and Johnson found they had a lot of common ground. Probably the biggest difference between the two is that President Obama has spent more time in his life playing basketball.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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