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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Gov. Dave Heineman has signed off on a new route for the Keystone XL Pipeline. The route Heineman approved passes directly through the Nebraska Chamber of Commerce headquarters.
* A legislative hearing was held Wednesday on Heineman's tax proposal. Based on the tone of the meeting, it was officially dubbed the “What's in it for me?” hearing.
* The main goal of Gov. Heineman's proposal to eliminate the corporate income tax: draw large corporations to Nebraska. Sure, Wyoming has few taxes, and that's why General Motors and Nike are both located in Laramie -- wait, just a second.
* Gov. Heineman has come up with yet another way to save Nebraska taxpayers $3 million. He took away Rick Sheehy's cellphone.
* The Omaha Chamber of Wishy Washiness -- I mean, the Omaha Chamber of Commerce -- has not come out against the plan, but cannot support it.
* The Omaha Chamber of Commerce can't support Gov. Heineman's tax cut plan. Now that it got that out of the way, the chamber can focus like a laser beam on its “Let's look at the positive aspect of slow road clearing -- ski Omaha!” campaign.
* The Neb. Chamber of Commerce, the Neb. Bankers Association and the Nebraska Retail Federation all oppose Heineman's tax cut plan. I can sum this up in a nutshell. On Valentine's Day, members of those groups will be sending heart-shaped chocolates to their special somebodies -- lobbyists.
* The Nebraska Chamber of Commerce is opposing Heineman's tax plan. The Omaha Chamber of Commerce cannot support it. I wonder if Heineman ever dreamed he'd have this much trouble from chambers and it has nothing to do with Ernie?
* Omaha ranks 17th in the nation for bedbug infestation. I'm familiar enough with Omaha politics to know this will be a leading issue in the mayoral race. “Mr. Suttle allowed thousands of bedbugs to enter the city...”
* Republicans are calling for building a wall around Omaha to keep out the bedbugs.
* John Kerry's first task as the new secretary of state? Attempting to achieve peace in the Middle East. At least they're trying to ease him into the job. Nothing too difficult up top.
* South Korea has successfully launched a new satellite. It is now one for three in recent attempts. The latest came the day after Iran sent a monkey into space. That's one way for your space program to look good -- follow the chimp launch.
* The White House released a photo of President Obama skeet shooting at Camp David. Earlier, there was footage of Obama hiking. Another time, he was river rafting. This is the first presidency that's like an episode of “American Sportsman.”
* Obama said he'd have to “think long and hard” about letting his son play football. Great -- the debt ceiling deadline is fast approaching, and Obama is debating whether he'd let a non-existent son lace up cleats.
* Paul Ryan praised Hillary Clinton, saying the country wouldn't be in a fiscal mess if she was president. Just when you think things cannot get weirder for the Republicans, their potential 2016 nominee just basically endorsed his likely opponent.
* Chris Christie called a doctor who evaluated his health after seeing him on TV a “hack.” That is a silly way to do a medical evaluation. And I write this as a citizen of a country where people diagnose themselves by going on the Internet and Googling their symptoms.