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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* On Monday, hundreds of Occupy Omaha members gathered – wait, my mistake. Those were actually mayoral candidates holding a forum.
* At Monday night's mayoral forum, it was obvious that Jim Suttle's opponents are going to exploit any perceived weakness he has. Two of them drove up in snowplows.
* Lance Armstrong reportedly told Oprah that he used performance enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France. This stunned Armstrong's lone remaining supporter, a goat herder in the Ukraine named Oli.
* There are record-low freezing temperatures in Arizona. To really get under the skin of Arizona officials, illegal immigrants are ice skating across the border.
* On Monday, for the first time in nearly seven years, Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas spoke during oral arguments. I'm trying to confirm that he shouted “Go Big Red!”
* Something is drastically wrong in this country when someone with the wisdom of a Clarence Thomas goes seven years without talking and Khloe Kardashian won't shut up.
* President Obama's Inauguration Day guests will include about 27 celebrities. Which is unusual because on an average day Obama hangs out with 29 celebrities.
* President Obama nominated Jack Lew for Treasury Secretary. He's the first cabinet nominee to be repeatedly mistaken for a Dr. Seuss character.
* Obama is reportedly going to take a tougher stance with Republicans in Congress. The only way his stance can get tougher is to meet with Republican leaders in the new White House “Octagon Room.”
* Temperatures across the upper Midwest have dropped to zero. It's so cold that Michigan football coach Brady Hoke was walking around in a long-sleeved shirt.
* Syracuse coach Doug Marrone is leaving to coach the Buffalo Bills. His dream is to win a Super Bowl. This makes no sense because statistically the odds of winning a Super Bowl at Syracuse are exactly the same as coaching the Bills.
* Reportedly, Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard had a heated spat. There's a surprise. Kobe having trouble getting along with a teammate who's a big center from the south and can't shoot free throws.