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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* The Midlands International Auto Show just ended at the CenturyLink Center. Because it's downtown Omaha, during the Friday morning session half the cars were towed.
* At Saturday night's Miss America Pageant, contestants discussed crime and peace in the Middle East. It was like a presidential debate but more intellectual.
* You're familiar with Miss America – the scholarship competition where the competitors walk around looking like they're partaking in a sand volleyball match.
* For the second year in a row I mistook the Miss America Pageant for a three-hour teeth-whitening infomercial.
* Tuesday morning, Gov. Dave Heineman will deliver his annual state of the state address. To give you some concept of the level of interest, it will be carried by both NET2 and NET Radio. I think that says it all.
* President Obama's inaugural activities are going to be scaled back compared to the 2009 inauguration. Mardi Gras is scaled back compared to the 2009 Obama inauguration.
* To give you an idea just how scaled back the parade will be, Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi have less than a week to learn to play the kazoo.
* President Obama just underwent a fitness evaluation. In order to get Obama's pulse up to 180 beats per minute, he was shown footage of Tea Party members debating the fiscal cliff.
* All presidents now must undergo this fitness evaluation. It'd be a hoot to elect Chris Christie just to see his cholesterol and treadmill test numbers.
* In the U.K., there's a proposal to rename an airport after Ozzy Osbourne. If you think the public address announcer is difficult to understand in most airports, imagine what it's like at the Ozzy Osbourne Airfield.
* There is a new electronic fork called HAPIfork with motion detectors that vibrate when you eat too fast. That's not enough for Americans to back away from the table. We need a fork that sends a jolt of electricity through the eater's body strong enough to knock him out of the kitchen.
* The Christian Slater movie “Playback” was named the lowest-grossing film of 2012. With a budget of $7.5 million, it earned $264 at the box office. Considering how Hollywood loves sequels, I'd still look for “Playback II.”
* A new Pete Rose reality show debuted on TLC Sunday night. Rose came across as erudite, clever and spontaneous, but that was probably because his show followed Honey Boo Boo.
* For the second time in four decades, not one player was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. The players weren't too depressed until they realized that the Kansas City Royals get to the playoffs more often than that.