Breaking Brad: 'Dancing with the Stars' fixed? Naw -
Published Tuesday, January 8, 2013 at 1:30 pm / Updated at 2:30 pm
Breaking Brad: 'Dancing with the Stars' fixed? Naw

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.

* There was one bizarre play during the BCS championship game. A Notre Dame ball carrier was running down the open field when he tripped over Brent Musburger's tongue, which was hanging out of the press box after checking out A.J. McCarron's girlfriend.

* The disturbing thing about the game was that McCarron's girlfriend got more air time on ESPN than the entire Notre Dame team.

* There was another weird incident late in the game when the Alabama center angrily pushed the Alabama quarterback. It was so hostile that for a second I thought I'd tuned in to a Piers Morgan interview.

* John Boehner was re-elected House speaker. It is incomprehensible how this could happen. He defeated Nancy Pelosi. OK, now I comprehend.

* Members of the House had to choose between John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi for speaker. I had a similar decision last night at dinner when I had to decide between spoiled Brussels sprouts and moldy cheese.

* As a new U.S. senator was sworn into office, Joe Biden leaned in and kissed the senator's 90-year-old mother. I'm trying to confirm that Biden then whispered in her ear, “After I'm elected president in 2016, I'm cutting your Medicare.”

* When she recently interviewed President and Mrs. Obama, Barbara Walters made the president cry. She did this by showing him a photo of a dollar donated to the Obama campaign that had been misplaced.

* Former Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who has already been a Republican and an independent, announced on Twitter he's switching to the Democratic Party. He's now been a Republican, a Democrat and an independent. Sort of like Romney during the 2012 primary and campaign.

* Omaha City Councilman Pete Festersen kicked off his re-election bid at eCreamery in Dundee. I hope he doesn't think Omaha voters are so disengaged in City Council elections that we'd vote for a candidate just because there's ice cream involved – wait, I'm told that we are that disengaged.

* In Oceanside, Calif., a city bus fell into a giant sinkhole. And even the people on the bus said: “Can you believe the street conditions in Omaha? Who can put up with that?”

* The Gangnam Style video has received more than 1 billion hits on YouTube. That wouldn't be so depressing except for something like only 80,000 people have read the Bill of Rights.

* Miley Cyrus may have secretly gotten married. The bride wore something borrowed, mainly because if you read the tabloids, you know she doesn't own any clothes of her own.

* In her book, soccer star Hope Solo claims that “Dancing with the Stars” is fixed. You know, I began to suspect that the season that Mikhail Baryshnikov lost to Morley Safer.

* A professional cyclist who won a race in Spain received a piglet as his prize. It's easy to understand why cheating is so rampant in cycling when there's this much at stake.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Primary battle between Battiato, Morrissey may be only race
UNMC appoints new dean for the college of dentistry
Jeff Corwin hopes to build connection with nature at Nebraska Science Festival
Metro transit recommends streetcar, rapid-transit bus line for Omaha
6-mile stretch of Highway 75 is the road not taken
After decades looking in, Republican Dan Frei seeks chance to take action
Cause of Omaha power outage along Regency Parkway unclear
Ben Sasse, Shane Osborn try to pin label of D.C. insider on each other
Curious about government salaries? Look no further
Easter Sunday temperatures climb into 80s in Omaha area
Omaha police investigate two nonfatal shootings
City Council to vote on adding Bluffs pedestrian safety lights
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Midlands runners ready for Boston Marathon
Families from area shelters treated to meal at Old Chicago
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
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