Breaking Brad: Ugly sweaters are in this holiday season - Omaha.com
Published Monday, December 17, 2012 at 1:30 pm / Updated at 7:08 am
Breaking Brad: Ugly sweaters are in this holiday season

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.

* Cox email has been restored after being out over the weekend. Cox customers could send emails but not receive them. Great, now that it's back I can finally find out if that stranger in Nigeria who was locked out of his car and needed $2,000 for a locksmith got the check I sent.

* Cox officials will have an explanation for the outage just as soon as they figure out a way to tie it to the Fort Calhoun nuclear plant.

* John Boehner is proposing raising taxes on those earning over $1 million per year. Mitt Romney said, "Oh, come on, John. I thought we agreed a middle-class tax increase was off the table."

* On Sunday night, ABC televised the wedding of “Bachelorette” couple Ashley and J.P. Here's the amazing thing: Almost 12 hours later, they're still together.

* More information is coming out about the missile North Korea launched into orbit. Apparently it's powered by a potent mix of high octane rocket fuel. This is the same stuff Lance Armstrong snorted during the 2005 Tour de France.

* North Korea has been holding massive rallies to commemorate its successful launch of a “weather satellite.” Either there's more here than meets the eye or they're incredibly geeked on knowing the barometric pressure.

* To commemorate the failed missile launch in April, North Korea held a parade that traveled 40 yards and then drove into a ditch.

* One popular Christmas gift this year – ugly sweaters. Who ever knew that members of the PGA and local news anchormen would be trendsetters?

* Wednesday is the last day you can mail a package and expect it to get there by Christmas. And Thursday is the last day you can drive to Westroads and expect to get a parking space before the 25th.

* The Federal Reserve just released a new statement. It is pledging to keep interest rates low until pigs fly through a hell that is completely frozen over.

* Colorado named a new head football coach – Mike MacIntyre. He's preparing to be Colorado coach by dodging snowballs while being booed.

* Minnesota Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder is engaged to ESPN sideline reporter Samantha Steele, who insists she can keep her objectivity during interviews. I don't know. Anytime an interview begins with “OK, baby doll, what were you thinking on the TD pass?” I'm thinking the interviewer is partial.

* This will be the first postgame interview that begins with “OK, sweetheart” since Brent Musburger last talked to the Honey Badger.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Nebraska GOP candidates unified against naked squirrels
Some of these Nebraska campaigns are tilting pretty far right. At a recent forum, there was a consensus that we need to ban public dancing and clothe naked squirrels in public parks.
Breaking Brad: Inside the mind of a 99-year-old real estate agent
I saw an article about a 99-year-old real estate agent who's still working. “This house is extra special. It has indoor toilets!”
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
Breaking Brad: Even Chuck Hassebrook's throwing mud!
The Nebraska campaigns have turned so ugly, Democrat Chuck Hassebrook lobbed unfounded accusations at an imaginary opponent.
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