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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Monday was the busiest day in history for FedEx. As if it wasn't already bad enough for the FedEx deliverymen running around Omaha in shorts in 5 degree temperatures.
* A Christmas song by a UPS deliveryman has gone viral. It's being enjoyed by everybody except those who've been waiting three weeks for a UPS package to be delivered.
* Early Monday, the wind chill was 8 degrees below zero in Omaha. Which was good news for local travel agents. One was seen running through the streets shouting “I finally sold a Capital One Bowl package to Orlando!”
* Monday it was announced that in July Justin Bieber is coming to Omaha. Or, as kids whose parents dragged them to see Springsteen call that, “Revenge.”
* Justin Bieber is coming to town. Lock up your great granddaughters.
* A school in Little Rock, Ark., canceled a trip to a church to view “Merry Christmas Charlie Brown” after an atheist group complained. Instead, to appease the atheists, the school will be presenting its own pageant, “Coincidence On 34th Street.”
* The Obamas attended the taping of the TNT special “Christmas In Washington,” which featured a performance by “Gangnam Style” rapper PSY. Something is wrong in Washington when with the fiscal cliff is bearing down, Obama has met with PSY and John Boehner an equal number of times.
* According to one report, President Obama may have told PSY that he's invited back to the White House after his next hit. You gotta love a president with a sarcastic sense of humor.
* The Obamas are sending out 30,000 holiday cards. Talk about embarrassing – the Bidens didn't make the cut.
* Led Zeppelin received a Kennedy Center honor. The group is believed to be the first Kennedy honor recipient to dedicate an entire album to Satan.
* Kate Middleton has named the godparents for her baby – Prince Harry and Pippa Middleton. I predict the baby will arrive ahead of schedule because she or he will want to start partying with Harry and Pippa as soon as possible.
* Starting in 2013, Americans will be able to text 911 operators on Verizon, Sprint, AT&T or T-Mobile. A quick note: Being stuck in a bad three-year T-Mobile contract is technically not considered an emergency.
* China's fourth largest airline, Hainan Airlines, has a new policy – no pilots with body odor, and all applicants must have their armpits sniffed. I believe we've just found the worst human resources job on the planet.
* A 21-year-old Michigan man used a fake birth certificate so he could play high school football. That's wrong. The only 21-year-olds who should be playing high school sports are kids in Texas whose parents didn't start 'em in kindergarten till they were 9 to give them an advantage.
* Kobe Bryant has set a potential timetable for retirement. He said he may retire in two years, or three passes from now.