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This is Brad's afternoon edition. (Read his morning column.)
* Next Sunday in Omaha a race called the Ugly Sweater 5K is being held. This sounds like a good way to offend spectators. "Oh, you're not participating in the ugly sweater race? Sorry, I just assumed."
* It was freezing cold in Omaha during the morning commute on Monday. The temperatures on the outside of the bank buildings matched the CD rates offered inside.
* Decorations are everywhere this year. In the spirit of Christmas, York County residents are putting reindeer antlers on all the mountain lions.
* A district attorney in upstate New York has admitted that he acted in 1970s porn movies. I'm not sure who is more embarrassed. This guy or the official who outed him and had to admit he's going home at night and watching 1970s porn movies.
* The Chicago school district is considering getting parents involved in their kids' education by awarding them free gift cards. “Well, Timmy, let's have a look at your homework.” “Will you be helping me all semester, Dad?” “Nope, just until I qualify for that Home Deport gift card.”
* In Thailand a new coffee made from elephant excrement is wildly popular. As a result elephant excrement is selling for $500 a pound. A month ago who knew that if you'd sold all your Apple stock and invested in pachyderm dung you'd have made a killing?
* Facebook has a new couples page exclusively for those in committed relationships. It shows the couples dressed alike, feeding each other food, etc. If you find yourself becoming nauseous now, it may not necessarily indicate you're catching the flu.
* Congratulations to redshirt freshman Johnny Manziel who won the Heisman trophy. Let this serve as a lesson in persistence. This kid toiled in obscurity for nearly 48 hours before gaining fame.
* The three finalists for the Heisman Trophy included a defensive player and a freshman. I think it says a lot that even though there's a defensive guy and a freshman people are saying: “Can you believe the third guy — he plays for Kansas State.”
* The Home Deport College Football Awards were just passed out. Well, they weren't passed out. Because it's Home Depot the awards were placed atop a really high shelf.
* Cardinals defensive lineman Darnell Dockett reportedly spit in the face of teammate Kerry Rhodes during the game with the Jets. That's a new low. You're playing the Jets and you're the dysfunctional ones.
* Baylor's Brittney Griner broke the NCAA women's record for career dunks with her eighth all time. You know what a typical NBA center calls eight dunks? “Halftime.”