A tough week for Bottom 10 defenses after they realized most don’t tackle well enough to be Black Friday security guards at Walmart.
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1. Akron (1-11)
The Zips lost 35-23 to Toledo in a game that would’ve been “The Battle for Ohio” if it weren’t for all the other teams in the state that are better.
2. Eastern Michigan (2-10)
Lost 49-7 to Northern Illinois in a contest that was the equivalent of two-week-old Thanksgiving leftovers.
3. Colorado (1-11)
Thursday, Coloradans gave thanks that college football season is almost over.
4. Massachusetts (1-11)
Its season can best be compared to a 12-week nightmare, only worse.
5. Southern Mississippi (0-12)
Southern Mississippi finished 0-12 and the athletic department is experiencing significant money woes. Other than that, things are swell.
6. UNLV (2-11)
Got drubbed 48-10 by Hawaii, a school with one win going into the game and whose season has made local football fans miss the competitiveness of the Hula Bowl.
7. Kentucky (2-10)
The Wildcats lost to Tennessee. I’m sure the fact that Kentucky fans stayed home to watch the “Dukes of Hazzard” marathon on cable had nothing to do with it.
8. New Mexico State (1-10)
The best thing about the secessionist movement is that college football teams in New Mexico will no longer be part of the U.S.
9. Auburn (3-9)
Some say that Alabama would rather beat Auburn 49-0 than win the BCS championship. That’s absurd. Now, if you want to talk 70-0 ...
10. Washington State (3-9)
Just when you think Washington State can’t get any less popular in the Northwest, it goes and upsets Washington 31-28 and spoils the season of the state’s good team.
Also receiving votes: Army, Tulane, Kansas, feigned excitement over Rutgers joining the Big Ten, Illinois, Heisman candidates kicking extra points, Ndamukong Suh’s foot, Jim Schwartz’ flag, Idaho, Boston College.