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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Black Friday shopping is beginning earlier every year. At this rate, by 2025 Black Friday will start on the Fourth of July.
* Walmart is going to open for Black Friday earlier than ever, at 8 p.m. Thursday. Just so we don't forget the true meaning of Thanksgiving: bargains!
* At this rate, by 2016, Americans will be eating Thanksgiving dinner in the Walmart parking lot so they can be first in line when the stores open at 3.
* In many cities, Walmart workers are planning to strike on Black Friday. This will basically be the retail version of a soccer riot.
* I read that attacks on humans by turkeys are on the rise. This is when you know we live in an angry world – it's Thanksgiving week and the turkeys are fighting back.
* U.S. gas prices have been dropping ahead of a major holiday that involves lots of driving. I believe this is our first holiday miracle.
* For John Boehner's 63rd birthday, President Obama presented him with a 15-year-old bottle of wine. That's not as magnanimous as you think. Obama's goal is to get Boehner drunk and take advantage of him during fiscal cliff negotiations.
* To put this in perspective, Americans are concerned with going over the fiscal cliff. Just not as concerned as we are with Twinkies disappearing.
* A group is asking President Obama to nationalize the production of Twinkies. If this takes precedence over the fiscal cliff, I'm moving to Canada.
* President Obama is on a tour of Southeast Asia. It is possible for a Nebraskan to catch a glimpse of Obama. All you gotta do is fly to Myanmar or Cambodia.
* To encourage the development of democracy, President Obama is visiting Myanmar, Thailand, Cambodia and Florida. Wait, my mistake. Florida is not part of the itinerary.
* Vice President Joe Biden turns 70 on Tuesday. The scary thing is, he's now at an age where a lot of men begin to speak their mind.
* Some are saying that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie may be exerting some influence on the White House. We'll know for sure if for the first time in history, the president refuses to pardon the White House Thanksgiving turkey. “Christie said to cook it.”
* Maryland is joining the Big Ten. The goal? Expand the conference footprint into the Washington, D.C., area Sure, compared to the Ohio State athletic program, Congress won't seem all that corrupt.
* Just when you think Tim Miles' life can't get more challenging, now his future road basketball schedules will include trips to play at Maryland.